Downsizing

Just as I was getting into the routine of walking every morning, I get a flat tire in my jogging stroller. I've been taking morning walks almost every morning, of course I skip a few days here and there. Today, I ended up walking 3 miles. Why? Because I wanted a Starbucks. I decided that if I was going to get one, I would have to work for it. So what did I do? I walked half way across town to get one. Let's just say that I'm not going to go that route again until I'm more in shape. The whole way there I walked uphill, and the whole way home I had the sun beating down on me. Hot? I think so. Anyways, when I got to Starbucks I decided to get a frappacino instead of a pumpkin spice latte because it was way too hot for a hot drink. I ordered a small, instead of a large like I usually get, because I didn't want my entire walk to be pointless. I got my drink, and after I took my first sip I felt guilty. Did I really need this fattening drink? I threw it away. Yes, it was a waste of money, but it was for a good cause. I walked all the way home in the hot hot heat, and was happy for myself for the first time in a long time. Instead of rewarding myself with a delicious Starbucks, I rewarded myself with a healthy choice. It felt great. As I was walking up to my apartment, I noticed my stroller was moving a little weird, but didn't think anything of it. Later today as I was getting my wallet from my stroller, I realized that the back tire was flat. Whether it was because it needed to be pumped with air or because I need a whole new tire, I don't know. I guess I'll have to figure it out tomorrow. Sadly, this may mean that tomorrow I will be skipping my morning walk.

A cool picture I took this morning on my walk

Before having a baby, you hope and pray that nothing will change between you and your friends. It's sad to know that the people who I trusted to be there for me have vanished, even the people who I used to call my "best friends." They didn't vanish instantly. As soon as Jayde was born, everyone was dieing to see her. Not only did I have my friends visiting, but I had all of these people who I hadn't talked to in years coming to my house to see my mini-me. Then, after about two months, things started to slow down. I am not completely blaming them, because I know that I was busy and that a lot of my time was consumed by my brand new daughter. But when the "newborn" stage was over, and I was eager to get out of the house to spend some time with someone other than a baby, no one was there. Of course not every single person was gone, I still had people who where more than happy to hang out with me and Jayde. I knew that my social life would decline after having a baby, but never in a million years did I think that some of my best friends would just vanish; stop calling me and texting me, not returning my calls or texts. I wonder if people think that just because I'm a mom that I'm all the sudden not the same person. Just because I have responsibilities and I had to grow up a little faster than your average 21 year old, doesn't mean that I'm not Michelle. A few months ago, thinking of this subject was difficult. Now that I have had time to realize that they obviously weren't my true friends, it has helped me grow stronger. I realize that friendships work two ways and that if they aren't willing to put it any effort, then I was done putting in effort too. With all of this said, I am so very thankful for all of the wonderful friends that have been there for me through my crazy journey of motherhood. You are all so amazing, and I promise that I will always be there for you through all of your changes just as you are here for me.

Me, Jayde, and my best friend FOREVER :) I hate that she lives so far!

 Jayde has been doing wonderful, she is such a happy baby. I don't know how I got so lucky, but I am so grateful. She is still doing her military crawl, and doesn't have much interest in learning how to crawl regularly. What she is really interested in is learning how to walk. She can pretty much balance herself on my hands or an object without me holding on to her, and she has even lifted herself up to a standing position by herself. I know I say this every post, but it is crazy how much she changes from day to day. I can't even imagine her walking, although I know she will be running around sooner than I can even imagine.

Jayde happily standing without my help.

 Jayde's sleeping habits are wonderful. I put her down for bed at 7:00pm with no crying and she sleeps completely through the night until 7:00am. She is still sleeping 12 hours at night, which means that there still isn't much napping. I have gotten used to this, and I am OK with it. If she was in a bad mood, having to deal with her all day would bother me. But since she is usually in a good mood and can entertain herself for parts of the day, her being awake is no longer an issue. There usually is a 20-30 minute time period in the middle of the day where we will have a "quiet time." During this time, I turn off all the lights and anything that makes noise and put her into her swing with a sippy cup filled with water. I will lay on the couch, and we will both just relax. My favorite part of the day is her breast milk snack in between lunch and dinner. We will both lay in my bed and she will feed for about 30 minutes while she dozes off a little bit. I usually end up dozing off too, with her cuddled up next to me. The best part is her climbing on me to wake me up. As I open my eyes, I am greeted with her huge smile and her beautiful face. It is a beautiful thing.

A unique moment- Jayde is taking a nap!

Lately I have been slacking with making her food. The reason for this is because I get about 80 free jars of baby food a month from the local WIC office. Originally, I was giving the food to my friend until I realized that 80 jars of food is a lot. As much as I hate giving her jar food, it is saving us tons of money. It is just hard for me to accept this because I was so determined to feed her only fresh foods. Every time I feed her a jar of baby food, I feel like a bad mother. Even though I feed her Earth's Best, a trusted organic baby food brand, it just doesn't feel right to me. I plan of feeding her more fresh foods and cutting down on the baby food jars regardless how convenient they are. Luckily, she won't be eating baby food purees for too much longer and I won't have to worry about any of this.

Baby Fat

Since I could remember, I have never been your average "skinny girl." I was working on losing weight before I got pregnant and it was going great. I was in my own little routine of going to the gym almost daily, I even had my own personal trainer to help me with my goals. However, when I got pregnant, I had to put aside some things. While pregnant, your not technically suppose to diet. So, my plan was to eat healthy, for both the baby and me, and hopefully I would be losing the weight I needed while gaining the baby weight. My plan worked. It took a while for me to actually show because while my belly was shrinking, my baby belly was growing. I stopped going to the gym when I was about 24 weeks because one day after a work out, I had some light bleeding that freaked me out. Being afraid of the gym for a whole 6 months took me a few steps back from reaching my goal of getting in-shape.

While pregnant I only gained about 25lbs. With breastfeeding and my lack of eating, since I somehow always "forget" that I'm hungry, I was able to lose that weight pretty quickly. You probably asking yourself, "so, what's the big deal?" The big deal is that I still feel FAT. Months later, here I am. I've lost all my baby weight, yet somehow none of my pre-pregnancy clothes fit. My body feels like it's completely different. I guess I should have prepared myself for this. What was I expecting? I was carrying a baby for 9 long months. I surely couldn't of possibly thought that after being pregnant my body would be the same, could I? Sadly, I did.

The last month I haven't been eating very healthy. I've been eating out a lot and eating "whatever is quick." I have been so busy taking care of my baby that I forgot that I need to take care of myself too. Luckily, before I gained all my pregnancy weight back and more, I realized that I needed to make changes. About 4 days ago, I started eating better. I've also started taking Jayde on walks in the morning. It's only been 4 days, and I can already feel my body thanking me. I feel less tired and feel like I have more energy. It's amazing! I can only imagine what it will feel when I start to actually shed pounds. Not only do I look forward to the day that I will be able to fit comfortably into my pre-pregnancy clothes, but I also hope to go down a few sizes as well. I hope to finally reach my goal of being healthy and in-shape. Not only do I owe a healthy life to myself, but I owe it to my daughter.

Before: Jayde excited for our morning walk. After: Jayde fast asleep, all that walking wore her out! (Even though mommy did all the work.)

If your happy and you know it clap your hands!

As I went into our apartment's laundry room to switch my clothes into the dryer from the washer, there was a man inside of there doing his laundry also. He looked at me and said, "what a way for us to be spending our Friday night, huh?" I laughed and thought to myself, "what else would I be doing?" After he left and I was finishing switching my clothes over I remembered long ago when Friday night meant dressing up and going out with friends. Those nights seem so distant, but I can still remember all of the great times I had. Do I wish I could go back and do things over so I could still be able to do things freely like I did before? Absolutely not. I would pick my daughter over those nights any day. Even if that does mean that I will forever be doing laundry on the weekends while everyone else is out.

Jayde on her new toy. She's getting so big!

Things have been irritating me a little more than usual this week, I have no idea why. But here is a list of the things that are annoying (be prepared for bitchiness):

1. Yesterday I went out with a friend to Red Robin for lunch with her and her baby girl. It was fun being able to spend some mommy time, it's nice to have people that I can talk to about baby stuff. While eating, Jayde was quiet for the most part while eating the food I had brought her and observing. Her baby was being a baby, babbling and using her vocal cords like most babies do. After lunch, we decided that we wanted to go and walk the mall and go shopping so we went out to our cars to get the strollers. While I was getting Jayde ready to go shopping, this old man walked up to me and said, "your baby is such a sweet heart, she is so quiet and so good. That baby," he said pointing to my friend, "well, that's a different story." I was astonished, I honestly really didn't know what to say. "Thank you?" I said back confused. Why would he come up and say this to me? Obviously she was my friend. Not only that, but we were parked right next to each other! She was standing not too far way! I had told her what happened and she pretty much had the same reaction as me. I seriously could not believe what he said. Her baby was being a baby, just experimenting with her vocal cord. Maybe I could understand if she was screaming and crying, but she wasn't. If your going to come to a public family restaurant, then you should expect noise, whatever it may be. If you want piece and quiet, then stay home or go somewhere else! How rude!

2. A couple days ago, Keith took a picture of Jayde's Graduate puffs that she loves so much. Basically the label is a little confusing. It reads, "naturally flavored with other natural flavors." Keith posted it onto facebook asking, "I'm confused, is it natural or not?!" Someone commented, "I think not... I didn't feed them to my youngest. I bought snacks from the organic section of the store.... always read your labels. watch the sugar and sodium per serving. I only fed them briefly to my oldest." I get she was trying to look out or whatever, but really? I thought to myself, "good for you!" I also felt as if she was trying to act like she was so wonderful because she bought from the organic section and that the puffs weren't acceptable by her standards. If she knew what she was talking about, she wouldn't have said anything. Not only do I make my daughters baby food from ORGANIC fruit and vegetables from scratch, but the puffs have 1g of sugar and 0g of sodium per 73 puffs. So, in other words, PLEASE SHUT UP! You pay attention to your kids, and I'll pay attention to mine!

Jayde's puffs container- natural or not? Whatever.

3. Today on someones facebook I saw someones status that read, "its annoying to see baby pics all the time on fb, no one cares. fishing for compliments from ppl u dont personally associate with is lame.." (Ya, not only is he irritating but he doesn't know proper grammar.) Usually these things wouldn't bother me. But, since I've already been in an irritated mood all week, I couldn't help but respond. I said, "You can't get annoyed over people posting pictures of their baby. If you don't like it, don't look at it. Just because you don't want to see it, doesn't mean others don't. Not trying to be rude, but I'm just saying.." Bitchy? Probably. But honestly, I don't care. He responded, "not trying to be rude, but thats why theres a button that blocks certain peoples posts =)" Yes, he is completely right. If you don't want to see pictures of my daughter, then block me. I don't post those pictures for you anyways. I post them because I love her and because I have family who rarely sees her.

Other than be being annoyed at little things, everything has been going really good. Not too much has changed.

Jayde is officially mobile! She doesn't know how to crawl the old fashion way, but she is a pro at the military crawl! It is so fun to watch her. Just today I was watching her throw her toys across the room and crawling to get them. She was having so much fun. Just the other day I went into the kitchen to put some dishes away, and all of the sudden I see her little head peak around the corner. I couldn't help but laugh. It was the cutest thing ever. She is so proud of herself and how she can maneuver around. Little does she know, mommy is probably more proud of her than she is of herself.

Jayde visiting mommy in the kitchen.

Jayde has taught herself how to clap. In the past, every time she accomplished something, I would clap my hands and cheer for her. I never thought that she would ever catch on and start clapping herself. Now every time someone cheers or claps their hands, Jayde does too. It's adorable. It's also a little crazy, because I realize that she really does watch and observe everything I do. But, now that I have realized that she is capable of learning new tricks I am trying to teach her a few other ones. The main one I'm trying to teach her is how to wave "bye-bye." So far, she kind of get it. She just flails one of her arms around and sometimes adds a "ba-ba" (Coincidence or on purpose? Who knows.) I am also teaching her how to give kisses. She definitely still needs work on this trick, but she is slowly getting it. If she does give you a kiss, she will come in with an open mouth! So if any of you try and give her a kiss and you accidentally swap spit, don't say that I didn't warn you!

Fond of Fondue

I am sitting here and waiting for my last batch of vegetables to steam and puree. While I sit here, I think about the last past weeks and about all of the changes that have been happening. My daughter is now almost 8 months and I can't even believe it, time really does go by so damn fast! Just to think that in 4 months I will be celebrating Jayde's first birthday is just crazy!

I just found out on Monday that I am suppose to be feeding Jayde 3 meals a day. THREE MEALS?! No wonder why she is eating 6-10 ounces in the morning, I have been depriving her of food! I was only feeding her one meal a day, which makes me feel like a horrible mother. The day I found out I needed to be feeding her more, I gave her a second meal when I got home. This whole week I have been giving her both breakfast AND lunch. Next week I will introduce her third meal, dinner. I can already say right now that with Jayde eating lunch, her breast milk intake has decreased. I can't even imagine how much more it will decrease once I start giving her dinner. Her eating solids can be tiring at times. With her eating more meals, means I have to be making her more food constantly. Not only that, but she takes about an hour at each meal time to eat. Already, that's about 2 hours a day that I'm sitting at the table feeding her. Each mealtime she is still eating about 6-10oz of food. The nutritionist that I talked to said that once I start feeding her on a regular basis that the amount she consumes per mealtime will decrease. So far, it hasn't. I'm sure hoping it does! If not, then I will be in the kitchen almost every night making baby food! I am already starting to miss the convenience of breastfeeding. With breastfeeding there is nothing to prepare and nothing to clean.

Last Saturday Jayde stayed the night at my moms house. That whole day I was so nervous! I spent most of my time that day pacing around the house and packing Jayde's things. I wanted to make sure that she would have absolutely everything she needed! Even though I was a nervous wreck, there was also a part of me that was excited. This was going to be the first time since Jayde was born that I was going to be able to spend time with Keith alone. At about 4:45pm, I packed everything into my car. (I definitely over packed, but I rather pack too much then too little.) Keith walked out with Jayde in her car seat, loaded her in the car, and then I was on my way to drop her off. While pulling out of the parking lot, I started getting anxiety. What if she cried the whole time? What if she didn't go to sleep? What if she NEEDED me? I could feel my heart beating up my throat, I just couldn't believe that this was the last time I was going to see Jayde until in the morning. I arrived at my moms house and explained everything in detail: when she eats, what she eats, her bedtime routine, what she sleeps in, etc. I needed to make sure that nothing would go wrong. I gave Jayde one final hug and kiss, told her to be a good girl, and let her know I would be back for her in the morning. I tried to stay as calm and as happy as possible, because I know she can pick up on my energy. After I got into my car I put on my sunglasses so no on would see me cry while I drove. I was balling all the way home. I had never felt so empty and sad in my whole entire life. Thank god I waited until after dropping her off to put my make up on.

When Keith and I left for Sacramento, I started feeling a lot better. All of the sadness and anxiety was slowly fading, and my excitement was reemerging. I knew that me dropping Jayde of with my mom for the night was the best decision because of the fact that I was going to be drinking. On the way there we stopped in Fairfield at the mall so I could return a few things that I had bought at Forever 21. While going to get my wallet in my purse, I realized that I had left it at home. Usually it wouldn't have been a big deal, but since I was planning on drinking that night and didn't have my ID, I was a little upset. I was so thankful that Keith drove all the way back home to Martinez to get it. Especially since that was one of the only places that decided to card me! It was a wonderful night. The food was fantastic, the drinks were great, and I loved spending time with my family and Keith without having to worry about a baby. Dinner was about 3 hours long, and it was 11:45pm when we left The Melting Pot. Keith and I decided that since this was going to be the only time in a long time that we were going to have some time to ourselves, we went to a bar and had some more drinks. We ended up getting home at about 2:00am.


Dessert was Delicious!

My favorite drink of the night- Love martini. Yes, the strawberries are in the shape of hearts.

I was planning on picking JaydeJayde was. She said everything was fine and told me to take my time. Take my time? I literally rolled out of bed and ran out the door. I was anxious the whole ride over, I couldn't stop fidgeting. Finally I got to my moms house. I walked in and Jayde looked at me and smiled. I was so extremely happy. I took her in my arms, gave her a hug and a kiss, and then I fed her. My mom told me that she was great while at her house. She fell asleep at about 8:30pm and slept through the night until 6:00am, which means she slept a few hours less than usual.

The picture I woke up to in the morning. Jayde at my mom's house waiting for me to pick her up.

Jayde is ALMOST crawling. She is a fantastic roller, and she has been doing well scooting. It's so funny watching her try to maneuver. She knows how to work her legs perfectly, the only thing she needs help on is her arms. She will pull up onto her knees and look as if she is about to crawl, but then she face plants onto the ground. Even though she isn't crawling yet, she sure does know how to make her way across the room. She will spot an object that she wants and then will find a way to get there. Once she has accomplished getting to where she wants to be, she spots another object she wants and starts making her way over there. This is pretty much what she enjoys doing for a good portion of her day. It's really exciting seeing her so mobile!

I have saved some good news for last..... JAYDE HAS BOOKED A SHOOT! It's for Pottery Barn Kids on October 12th. Exciting!!!!!!!!