It's about damn time..

It has been almost 2 months since I have written a blog, things have been a little bit hectic lately. Also, I have been having somewhat of a writers block. I have so many things to say, but my mind is going 100mph with all of the things going on in my life. I had started a few blogs, but then I never got around to finishing them. Tonight, I am determined to do this once an for all (Or, maybe within the next week or so.) So prepare yourself for lots and lots of reading, because these last 2 months have been INSANE!

Playing with her new toys after very first birthday party.

First off, I want to start off by saying that I cannot believe Jayde is already ONE! I hate using the expression, "time flies," but it really has! I feel as though one thing came after another so quickly. I can still remember the feeling I got when I saw her smile and heard her laugh for the very first time. I still get the feeling of excitement when I think about her learning to rolling over, sit, and crawl. All the feelings I have are so overwhelming and confusing. When I see a newborn baby I can't even begin to imagine that Jayde was one THAT small, and it does give me a sense of sadness. But, at the same time, I am excited for all of the things that have yet to come. Regardless of this bittersweet feeling that I sometimes have, I am so proud of her for all of the things that she has accomplished within the last year and for the beautiful little girl that she has become. Even though Jayde is not longer a "baby" by definition, she will always be MY baby girl.

A picture to remember my very first hours with Jayde.

Of course with age, comes more mischief. The other morning I went into the bedroom to grab a sweatshirt. When I walked back out into the living room, I heard Jayde run out of the bathroom when she heard me coming as if she was getting into trouble. When I looked into the bathroom I didn't see any toilet paper unravled on the ground or anything, so I thought maybe I was just being delusional. I went back to bed since to get some more sleep since Keith had decided that he would get up with Jayde. About an hour later, I heard Keith laughing in the bathroom. When I asked him what he had been laughing at, he told me that the remote was in the toilet. We were both standing there cracking up for three reasons. One, because Keith had been looking for the remote all morning and had been getting mad at himself because he knew that he was the last one using it. Two, because Jayde did do something earlier in the morning and had gotten away with it. Three, because before Keith realized that it was the remote in the toilet, he thought it was me not flushing my poop.

I am no longer a stay at home mommy, and am now officially a "working mom." I was able to get a part time job at one of my favorite places in the whole entire world, the Day One Center. For those of you who do not know what this place is or don't remember me mentioning it in my previous blogs, it is a center that helps new and expecting parents through pregnancy and the babies first year. I told myself that when Jayde turned one I was going to go back to work, but I had no idea that I was literally going to be starting the week after her birthday. I only work part time, which for me is 3 days a week. It works out perfectly because I am able to still spend a lot of time with Jayde while being able to get a break a few times a week. Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter! But, being with anyone 24/7 can get exhausting and irritating at times. Since I did go to the center so often, it was a little weird working there at first. I walked in there on the first day and was going to work instead of going in there to get support. It was also kind of weird to think that all of my co-workers know all of the issues that I had with Jayde since they were the ones who helped me through it. The "weirdness" of working there faded away shortly, and I am happy to say that I like my job for the most part.

Me having a job means that Jayde has to go to daycare. Choosing a daycare for her has been one of the toughest decisions ever. Keith and I looked through dozens of places to try and find the perfect fit for her. At first, we were looking at mainstream places like Kinder Care. I didn't feel comfortable bringing Jayde to an at home daycare or leaving her with a nanny, so I refused to look at those places at first. Let me tell you, daycare is ridiculously expensive! Most places we looked at where about $187 a week for only two days! Keith and I thought Kinder Care was Jayde's best option at that point because we loved how they let them play but then they also have curriculum to follow so that they learn. We were pretty much set on them, filled out all of the paper work, but then something didn't feel right. It was at that point that I decided to look at a few of the at home daycares for the hell of it. I had a lot of people tell me that it was important for a child that is as young as Jayde to not be too overwhelmed. She is, after all, still a baby and does need a lot of attention. I had some people who where recommended to me by a few parents, so I set up appointments to check them out. Daycares at people's houses are always so weird to me. I don't like them for a couple reasons. The main reason is because most women who have an at home daycare usually have their own kid(s) who also attend the daycare. Obviously, there is going to be a huge favoritism issue. Who wouldn't pick their kids over other children? Another reason is because I think the whole daycare in your house situation is weird. People live there, but then they have all this shit all over their house for their daycare children. People paint characters on their houses and put posters of the ABCs on their living room walls, it's honestly kind of creepy. Even though I am extremely picky and anal, I found a lady that I really like! Why do I like her? Well, she doesn't have any kids (well, she has kids, but they are all older) and she turned her garage into a daycare so it is separate from her living space. I also like the fact that she provides a variety of nutritious food (including some authentic Persian food, which is a plus) AND that her daycare is a lot cheaper than any mainstream one. She is a sweet, older Persian lady and she loves all of her daycare kids as if they where her own children. What I also like, is she e-mails me fun pictures of Jayde while shes at daycare :)

Jayde playing at daycare

Dropping your child off at daycare for the first time is probably one of the most traumatic things ever. I knew it was going to be hard, but I was no where near prepared for how hard it actually was. Basically, Jayde was screaming and crying while reaching out for me and I had no choice but to just walk out. I had to go to work, so I had to leave her there. I was able to control my breathing and hold back my tears, until I got to my car. Once I sat down and closed the door, I immediately started balling. I was freaking out! I ended up driving to work and calling her before I went in. She told me that Jayde had calmed down but she refused to be set down, which is pretty much what I had expected. At work I couldn't stop thinking the worse. I had this image in my head of Jayde screaming for me and being neglected. As soon as my lunch rolled around, I called to check on her immediately. When she told me what Jayde was doing, I was completely speechless. "She's sleeping." Wait, what? Sleeping? As in... she's taking a nap? Ok, what the fuck? My daughter refuses to take a nap at home with me, but she takes a nap on her first day at daycare? Even though I was dumbfounded, I was actually relived to hear that Jayde was comfortable enough to be able to nap there. I went back to work, and was able to get through the rest of the day without having to call and check up on her. At 5:00pm, I knew my mom had picked Jayde up so I called her to see how she was. My mom told me that she was actually crying when she came to pick her up, she didn't want to leave! I was so happy to know that I picked the right daycare. The next day, I went to drop her off and she was excited to be there. She ran off and started playing, and I walked out without hearing the slightest cry. I went to work, and called to check on Jayde once around the same time as I did the previous day. She was sleeping again, what a surprise. That night when I got home and saw Jayde I started crying. When I saw her I realized that I had been away from her the last two days, which has never happened before. I felt as if I had missed so much, even though I probably didn't. I also started having these weird thoughts. She was having such a good time at her new daycare, what if she liked this lady more than she liked me?

Playing outside at daycare

I dropped Jayde off at daycare again the next week. Since she only goes on Wednesdays and Thursdays, there is a big 5 day gap of her not going. While driving there I was kind of anxious to see if  she was going to remember the daycare providor or not. Well, she didn't recognize her. I had to go through the whole screaming/crying fit again.  It was still devastating, but it was easier to walk out this time knowing that I knew she was in good hands. Even though she was sad to see me leave, I didn't feel obligated to call at all while I was at work to check up on her. I mean, if she wasn't happy there was nothing I could really do about it anyways, right? And, if something was seriously wrong, then her daycare provider would for sure call me. The next day, on Thursday, I dropped her off without having a problem since she remembered being there the previous day. I just really hope that she eventually becomes familiar with her surroundings and I don't have to deal with her throwing a fits at the beginning of every week.

Jayde has grown up SO much within the last month, both physically and mentally. Here are some of the new/exciting/cute things she has been doing:

-My most favorite thing: Jayde has learned to give kisses. They are opened mouthed and all slobbery, but I love them. She even makes a "mmmm" sounds when she leans in, which adds an extra point for cuteness.

Kisses for mommy!

-I am so excited to announce that my baby girl is officially a walker! She does still need a lot of practice, but she is now walking about 90% of the time while only crawling a little bit. It did take her a while to figure out how to stand up by herself, but she has now gotten pretty good at it. I am not saying she is a walking pro. She does still fall a lot and needs to work on balance, but she is a long way from her "first steps." She started taking her first steps about 2 weeks before her birthday, and started walking more consistently around her actual birthday. It has been really exciting to see how proud she is of her accomplishment, and I don't think she has any idea how proud I am of her. It's still weird to me to see this little person running around the house, and I think it will take a while to get used to! Here's a video of Jayde when she first started walking:

- I feel like Jayde's vocabulary has greatly matured. When she "babbles," it seems to be more meaningful as if she is actually trying to have a conversation. Her main words so far are: "mama", "dada", "ya!", "nana" (banana), "oh man!" (when she falls), "ball", "papa" (for Grandpa), "boo bee" (boobie, when she's hungry. HA!) "pet" (when she is petting an animal), and her most favorite word, "hi!" When I say that "hi" is her most favorite word, I mean her MOST FAVORITE. She says "hi" to every single person or animal that walks by, including her own reflection. I will be walking through the grocery store and I will hear Jayde sitting in the cart looking around, "hi, hi, HI!!!!!!!"

-Jayde has started to be helping in putting things back where they came from. I'm not saying she is this neat child who cleans up after herself all the time, but she is trying to put in some effort. The other week I was folding Jayde's clean laundry to put it away, and after everything was put away I realize that there were all these single socks with no matching pair. Frustrated, I decided to put the single socks in her sock drawer. I figured that I would most likely eventually find the other one. When I opened her sock drawer, I saw all of these socks thrown inside. Yes, they where the socks that where missing. I then realized that Jayde had put the socks in her sock drawer because she was trying to help me put her clothes away. It was so cute, I just about cried. Even though she will make a mess and pull out all of her pants out of her dresser or all of the DVDs off the shelf, she usually tries to put them back. Of course they aren't neatly folded and stacked as they where before, but it's the thought that counts. Right?

-Jayde also "helps" clean. She will take a paper towel and start wiping down tables and what not, my mom and I think it's funny to watch. Apparently she does this at her daycare too, because the other day her provider mentioned it when Keith picked her up. "She is so smart and so cute. Today the kids were cleaning up, and she picked up a towel and started wiping everything down."

A picture Jayde's daycare provider e-mailed me of her "cleaning."

This New Years was an interesting one. I went through somewhat of an identity crisis. I spent most of the day before New Years eve balling my eyes out. I do admit that I may have been somewhat of a baby, but at the same time my feelings where hurt. The last couple of months have been a little bit hard for me dealing with my friendships with people. First of all, I feel as if I'm always the one putting in all the effort in the relationships that I have with my friends. I'm always the one text messaging and asking how they're doing and asking if they want to get a bite to eat so that we can catch up. Barley ever does anyone, except for a select few, text me and whats going on in my life. Second of all, when I do have plans, things always fall through. I have seriously been flaked on weekly this last past month and it has been hard on me. I understand that going out isn't a big deal to people because they always have chances to go out and they don't have the time restrictions like I do. But to me, when I make plans I am excited. I rarely ever get out of the house! To be that excited and then to be flaked on at the last minute is devastating! After all of this has been going on, New Years came along. After reading and hearing about everyone's big plans, I realized that I didn't have any. The fact that I didn't have plans didn't bother me too much. What did bother me is that nobody had even asked me what I was doing for the New Year or even thought about including me in their plans.

I know that you are reading this and thinking to yourself, "what's the big deal?" I understand that one day I will probably look back and laugh at myself for making a big deal out of all of this. But, from going to the girl who got invited to every party to the girl who didn't get invited to anything is a big change for me. I did expect for my social life to decrease when becoming a mom, but never in my life did I expect some of my friends to turn their backs on me. For the longest time I sat here and told myself that I didn't care, but I really do. After my mini break down and being able to think things over, I realize that people probably aren't pushing me away intentionally. I do realize that maybe my crumbling friendships could be partly my fault. I know that when Jayde was first born, I did pull away from the world for a few months. There were many texts that I didn't respond to and many calls I didn't answer because I was so busy and overwhelmed with the new addition in my life. For the longest time I would feel guilty or get anxiety at the thought of even leaving the house for just 20 minutes. But now that Jayde is older and doesn't depend on me nearly as much as she did months ago, I am able to be more social. I do understand that 99% of my friends don't know what it's like to go through the journey of having a baby, and maybe they are upset at the times I didn't text them back when I was consumed in taking care of my daughter. I also understand that maybe my friends aren't eager to invite me to places because they assume that all my time is still dedicated to my daughter and my boyfriend. Yes, I am in a committed relationship and I have a kid. Yes, I do have a lot more responsibilities and I did have to mature a lot within the last year. But, I am still the same Michelle as I was before. Just because I have obligations, doesn't mean that I'm still not young. Although being a mom is my number one priority, I am still entitled to have fun. I have now realized that having fun does not make me a bad mother or a bad girlfriend, and I hope others are able to realize that too.. I don't want to live my life under a rock. I want to be able to enjoy my life as a mother and a young adult.

Super-Mom

"Oh, so you don't work? What do you do all day?"

The answer to that question is EVERYTHING. Just because I'm a stay at home mom, people get the impression that I sit at home all day and paint my toenails while watching TV. Let me tell you... I have seasons of shows DVRed on my TV that I haven't even watched yet and it's been months since I've painted my nails. Do you know what it means to be a mom? I cook three meals a day everyday, I do loads of laundry what seems like every day a week, and I clean up the same mess over and over again 20 times a day. I play with my daughter, read to her, change her diaper when needed, breast feed her, kiss her boo boos when she falls and hurts herself, and bathe her. At all times of the day she is with me, we are basically attached at the hip. For every good day, there is a bad. My happy girl can turn into a monster within minutes. My job is 24/7, seven days a week. Even when she is sleeping I am always on call, always keeping an ear out for her to wake up. If she does wake up, I'm automatically at "work" again, no matter how late at night it is. When I was pregnant, the moment I decided to keep her was the moment I made one of the biggest commitments. My job as a mother is for LIFE. No sick days, and no walking away because I'm fed up. I do all of these things and I don't get paid. Can you say any of this about any job you have ever had? I don't think so.

While pregnant, I was committed to going to school. My due date was January 22nd, which was also the first day of the spring semester. I was enrolled in 4 classes. Crazy? Well, In my mind I was going to do it. It wasn't until Jayde was born on January 18th and after my first day of class that I realized that maybe I expected too much out of myself. I ended up dropping out that semester and was "for sure" going to go back in the fall. Fall semester came, and I couldn't go. I couldn't leave my daughter. I didn't want to put her in daycare that young. I didn't want to miss her first year and her first word or first steps. That is when Keith and I made the decision that I would take an entire year off school to raise Jayde. The first year, in my mind, is the absolute most important. I couldn't miss out on anything. If I did, I would be heart broken.

It is now December and Jayde will be turning a year old next month. As promised, I am going back to school starting January 23rd. After being home for a year and being able to have all of these special moments with my daughter, I can honestly say that I am ready. I know that it will be hard for both Jayde and I to be away from each other after spending all of this time together, but I know it is best for both of us. I think that when Jayde turns one, it will be important for her to be in daycare. She will need to meet new friends and learn how to be social, which is something that she wouldn't be able to learn at home with me. I need to finish school. After much thought between getting my medical assistant certificate and becoming a certified RN, I have decided to study to become a RN. It will take longer and it will most definitely be harder, but it will benefit both me and my family in the long run.  Now that I have a daughter, someone who depends on me, I am more determined than ever.

I am exhausted. When people ask, "do things get easier once they're older," I sometimes don't know how to answer the question. It really depends what you think is easier. Yes, now that Jayde is older she doesn't cry and nurse as much. However, her being older does mean that my house is completely destroyed by the end of the day. For every exhausting thing a baby gives up as they get older, there is something new that they throw at you to balance everything out. I can't fold laundry without her grabbing every folded shirt and throwing it on the ground. I can't even walk into the bathroom to go pee without her wanting to follow me in. Don't get me wrong, I love that Jayde is crawling and so active. It's just that sometimes I wish she would sit in one place for just 5 minutes while I finish doing something. The sleepless nights do get better with age, but they never completely disappear. Now instead of staying up to taking care of a baby, I stay up to clean all the messes in my house that have accumulated that day. As weird as it may be, sometimes I am happy that I had my daughter while I was young. I can't imagine being older and having a kid. I think I would die of exhaustion!

Obviously, Jayde isn't the best helper when it comes to putting away clean laundry.

"Mommy, your telling me that you didn't want me to pull this out of the cabinet?"

Jayde hasn't been the happiest baby these past few days. I have finally figured out why: she is teething again! Waterfalls of spit is spilling out of her mouth and she is only satisfied when biting on something. I am pretty sure her top teeth are coming in now and I can only hope that they break through sooner than later. Teething is probably the worst thing I have had to deal with. I have actually heard that if we where to get our teeth in as adults, we wouldn't be able to handle the pain. I feel bad for Jayde, because I can't even begin to imagine what she is going through. The only thing I am able to do is try and help her by giving her teething tablets, frozen fruit, and being here to comfort her when she cries. Don't worry baby girl, there is always a rainbow after a storm!! Other than teething and getting into mischief, Jayde has been Jayde; my beautiful, happy, smiley girl.

It amazes me to think about how much Jayde trusts me. I could throw her into the air, and it would be no question to her that I would catch her. The thought of me possibly dropping her doesn't even cross her mind, not for one second. From day one I have always taken the best care of her. I have caught her just before she hit her head on a sharp corner and have dove to grab her just in time before she was about to put herself in danger. To her, I am super human. I can take care of her every need, no matter what it may be. Hell, she probably thinks that I can walk on water.  Having this innocent child see me as god-like somehow makes me feel like I have true purpose. At the same time, it is also scary. I am not always going to be there to catch her when she falls and not always going to be able to save her from danger. One day, she will find out that I'm not super woman and that there are a lot of people that aren't worth trusting in this world. Hopefully, even when she is older, she will know that I will always be here for her and that she can always trust me.


"So, when are you two getting married," has been the number one most popular question since Keith and I had told people that we were expecting. The answer: I DON'T KNOW. I don't say this because I don't see myself with him or because I don't love him. I say this because, well, don't you think we have enough on our plate right now? First off, Keith and I weren't dating for too long before I found out I was pregnant. I met Keith in July of 2009, we started dating in October of 2009, we became "official" in May of 2010, and then about two months after that I discovered was pregnant. I moved in with him in October of 2010, which was a huge transition for both of us. I had never lived with a boyfriend and Keith had been living happily by himself for many years. Then, three months after that, we welcomed our little princess into the world.  We are still transitioning into parenthood AND living together. I don't want the reason for me to marry someone to be because I had a child with them. I want the reason to be because I am completely in love with them. I know that in our society your suppose to me married BEFORE having kids, but for all of you who know Keith and me know that we are not your average couple. Maybe we are doing things backwards. Maybe we are living in "sin" in some people's eyes. But, I am completely happy right now. Honestly, I think having a baby together has been a true test for us as a couple. People are married for YEARS and get divorced after they have children because it is so hard on their relationship. I think that if Keith and I can get through this first year raising Jayde, that we can get through absolutely ANYTHING.

Keith and me on Thanksgiving.

Trick-or-Teething

Okay, so I haven't blogged in a while. I'm not going to lie, things have been rough these last couple of weeks with sickness and teething plaguing my home and family. As I mentioned in my previous post, I was a little bit sick. Well, that "little bit" turned into "a lot bit." I was on my death bed for about two days after Halloween. Sore throat, cough, stuffy nose, chills, achy; The whole works. Pretty much I felt like someone hit me in the head with a hammer, twice. Then, once I started to feel somewhat better, my poor little Jayde gets sick. I don't know how she's feeling since she can't speak to tell me. All I can tell is that she has a horrible stuffy nose, which probably means that she isn't feeling so hot either. To top it off, Keith got sick a few days ago too. Jayde has not been sleeping well, which means that I have not been able to rest AT ALL. She has been waking up about every 2-3 hours, which means that I have been waking up every 2-3 hours as well. Because of this, a few nights ago, I started feeling sick all over again. I was laying in bed shivering and I even had a mild temperature. All of my lymph nodes are completely tender and swollen and my whole body is sore. I have come to the conclusion that with the lack of rest, my body pretty much hates me right now. I have been sick for over two weeks now, Jayde has been sick for about a week and a half, and Keith has been sick for about five days. In other words, we are all sick and miserable. Hopefully, all of this will pass. Sooner rather than later would be fabulous!

Just before everyone got sick, we went through teething. This meant that Jayde wasn't in the best mood, and that nightly awakenings were also frequent then as well. Finally, on Halloween, Jayde broke through her very first teeth. I am not going to lie, it is a little weird seeing her with two little white teeth growing in her mouth. I do miss her little gummy smile, but I am sure that I will get over it quickly. I bet you are wondering, "so has she bitten your nipple?" The answer is: YES. Non of the times has it has been purposefully. I have noticed that she tends to do it once she has dozed off a bit. She will bite, I will let out a yelp, she will wake up confused and scared, and then she will start crying. After all of this happens, I will completely forget that fact that she just bitten me and I will start to feel bad that I scared her. The weirdest part of her having teeth is the moments where I forget she has them,  like when she sticks my finger in her mouth and I feel a little sharp object cutting into my finger. I think Jayde knows she has these new things in her mouth. Today there was this weird moment where I was putting dishes away and she came up to me and bit my foot. Yes, JAYDE BIT MY FOOT! I looked down at her awkwardly and she started laughing, which means that her actions were on purpose. Today, with increased drooling, I realized that Jayde will most likely be getting another tooth or two shortly. The two top ones are starting to come in, which could also be a reason that she has been waking up so frequently at night. Although I hope this process goes by fast, many have told me that the top are worse then the bottom. More sleepless nights, here I come!

I spy TWO teeth!

Because of teething and sickness, obviously my hard work at sleep training is completely out the door. I will pick her up when she cries, she has slept in my bed with me numerous times, and her bedtimes have been at all times of the night. Although I did know that this was going to eventually happen, I cannot help but to feel frustrated. Sleep training was very hard for me! Just when everything was perfect, it became a disaster. I can only hope that since she has been sleep trained before, that she will fall back into the routine of things quickly. Sleep training Jayde was one of the best things I have ever decided to do. It helped me catch up on hours of sleep that I was lacking. I just need to remember of all the wonderful things that came out of it when I do decided to train her again. After Jayde is 100% healthy and done teething, I NEED to do it, regardless of how hard it may be.

Now that all of the bad news is out of the way, let's go on to some happy thoughts...

This year was Jayde's very first Halloween. Even thought I was horribly sick, I wouldn't have missed it for the world. Yes, I know, "she won't remember it when she's older." That doesn't matter to me. What matters to me is that I was going to remember it, and I would forever regret it if I didn't participate in all of the festivities. You know when something is so cute that you can't help but laugh? THAT is how cute Jayde looked in her costume. She was dressed up as a lady bug, and she was by far the cutest little bug I have ever seen. On Sunday we went the the costume parade in the park with my mom and sister. It honestly wasn't that fun because I was miserable the whole entire time. However, Jayde seemed to enjoy herself and that is all that matters, right? On Halloween, we went trick-or-treating with my sister around my mom's neighborhood. Jayde had a blast! She had so much fun being carried from house to house. When people presented her with the candy bowl, she dove in it and picked out her own candy. It was the cutest thing ever! Her favorite candy to get was those little boxes of Junior Mints. She would hold them in her hands and shake them around while she spazzed out. Obviously I didn't let her eat candy, which means that mommy and daddy ate most of it. After a while, we ended up throwing it away because we were sick to our stomachs. You would be surprised to see how much candy Jayde got, people were literally giving her handfuls like she was actually going to eat it. All in all, it was a good Halloween and I am glad that I participated. 

Everyone has been asking me about Jayde's photos from the Pottery Barn shoot. No, they have not came out and I have no idea as to when they are suppose to be advertised. I assure you that when they do come out, I will be telling everyone who will listen. However, a family friend did contact me a few weeks ago asking to shoot Jayde for her portfolio. This meant that I would be getting copies of the pictures for no charge and that I would be able to add professional pictures to Jayde's portfolio. I just got the pictures back about a week or so ago, and I am so happy with how they turned out! Here are my favorites of the bunch:

As I have said before, Jayde is very mobile. She has now even given up her military crawl for the traditional crawl. I think she realized that crawling on her hands and knees can be more effective then sliding around on her stomach. I swear she is going to be walking any day now. She is always standing and sliding things around so she is able to walk places instead of crawl. The one thing that makes me sad about her being so mobile, other than she is growing up too fast, is the fact that she is so wiggly. I am never able to just hold her anymore. Not for even a few seconds. She is always trying to jump out of my arms and do her own thing. I guess it's part of her gaining independence, but sometimes I just wish I could take her in my bed and cuddle up with her like when she was younger.

Keith and I took Jayde to the zoo for the very first time yesterday. We all had a lot of fun. Both Keith and I like the zoo in general, and Jayde had fun looking at all of the different animals. It probably will be 10 times better when she is older and able to better express how excited she actually is. ("Wow Mommy!!! Look at the monkeys!!!!!!")  But, for being 9 months old, she was pretty excited! Her new things is pointing at things, which is what she did to pretty much every single animal that came into her sight. I don't know whether it's because Sofie has been a good friend to her for a long time, but the giraffes where by far her favorite to look at. Keith took her into the petting zoo to pet the goats. I wasn't able to see her face, but I could only imagine..

Jayde with her toy Sofie meeting the real live Sofie for the first time!

Setting the boundaries

It's that time of year again! Every year, around late October or early November, I get my annual cold. A few nights ago, I had this intense sore throat before going to bed. I knew that when I woke up, it was either going to be gone or I was going to be feeling even worse. The next morning, I didn't feel either better or worse, I felt pretty much the same. However, that night I decided to go to bed a little earlier than usual to get some quality "rest," which is something that I have been lacking for quite a while now. I woke up about two hours later and felt worse. My head was hurting, my nose was stuffy, my throat was scratchy, etc. I ended taking some cold medicine in order to sleep peacefully. Cold medicine? Ahhh, yes. It has been such a long time since I was able to take medicine other than Tylenol to help with my issues. I remember last year I wasn't able to take anything to help my horrible cold because I was pregnant. THAT, was probably the worst cold of my life. I think that we take everything for granted, including something as simple cold medicine. You don't realize how much you appreciate little things until they aren't available to you anymore. This morning, I am happy to say that I am feeling much better. I am still not at my best, but I know that in a few days I will be as good as new.

There is something I learned while being sick, and that is that there is no such thing as a "sick day" when your a mother. No matter how crappy I feel, there is no way that I could just snuggle in bed all day with a bowl of soup. Jayde doesn't understand the fact that I'm sick. I still need to cater to all of her needs, regardless of how I'm feeling. It's not easy being sick with a 9 month old baby. She is everywhere in the house, and I'm always having to watch her every move to make sure she doesn't get hurt. Not only that, but I need to make sure the house is vacuumed and cleaned so she doesn't get a hold of something that shes not suppose to. It sounds easy, but it's not. Every time I put her books back on the shelf, she pulls them down. Every time I put her toys back in the box, she takes them back out. Every day is a day of me cleaning stuff up with her behind me messing it up again. As annoying as all of this sounds, it's not. She's a baby and that's the types of things she enjoys right now at this age. Her getting into everything and making a mess out of my entire house is just a part of her growth and development. I just wish I wasn't sick, because cleaning my house 100 times in a day can be exhausting.

"Mommy! Get up and come play with me!"- Being sick isn't so bad when you get to look at this face!

I'm pretty sure that I mentioned before that Jayde is able to get into a standing position by herself. She has mastered this technique, and now it's all she wants to do. What she has been starting to do lately is cruse, which means she is moving along the furniture. This also means that she is switching between furniture, like moving from the coffee table, to the couch, to the end table, etc. In conclusion, I have no doubt that she will be walking well before her first birthday. Walking is something that she has been determined to do since she knew it was possible. As exciting as this might sound, it is also a little scary. Walking doesn't only mean that she will be able to get into more things, but it also means that the probability of her getting hurt will also increase. As much as I am looking forward to this milestone, I'm also sad. This is going to be her last leap to independence. She will soon not be my little baby anymore, she is well on her way to toddler-hood.

The nice thing about Jayde being older is that she is able to eat what I'm eating. For example, last night we both had chicken and broccoli for dinner. This morning we both had oatmeal with banana for breakfast. Eating with her is not only helping me eat better, but it is also helping her explore newer solid foods. Right now, since she is learning to eat, it is important for her to learn what is good for her to eat. If I fed her nutritious food every night but I sat down at the table with McDonald's, what good would that do for either of us? Right now, she eats what she eats because she has no choice. When she gets older, she will be able to choose the food that goes into her mouth. My goal is that when she is older and gets to make that decision, she will choose the right foods. She is looking at me and listening to my every word and watching my every movement. Who she will grow up to be is going to be strongly influenced by me, so I know that I need to lead by example.

Lunch time! Pasta!

Discipline. Everyone has their own way, and no one agrees on the best way to go about it. What is important to know, is that RIGHT NOW is the good time to start enforcing rules. I feel like I spend half of my day saying "no" because Jayde is spending half of her day testing her boundaries. (No, do not touch the TV. No, do not push the buttons on the DVD player. No, do not put mommy's shoe in your mouth. No, do stand up in the bath tub.) The good thing is that since I say "no" so much, she knows what it means. The bad thing is that she hasn't yet learned to listen. Just as I sit to relax, Jayde will crawl over to the TV, stand up, and start touching it. I will say "no" once, and she will usually look back at me and smile because she knows she isn't suppose to be doing what she is doing. After she doesn't listen, I will have to get up and grab her and then set her on the floor away from where the TV is. I will then look at her and explain to her why I just removed her, "No Jayde, do not touch the TV. The TV is not for touching, it's for looking at." Even though she will eventually do it again, whether it be that day or tomorrow, I know that one day she will know that touching the TV isn't something that she can do. And hopefully when that day comes, touching the TV will be something that she will no longer do. I am not going to lie, it can sometimes be exhausting setting boundaries. I can totally see how some parents let some things slide. However, I refuse to be one of those parents. If for a week I tell her she can't do something, and then the next I'm too tired to enforce it, what will that teach her? It will teach her that the world is confusing and that if she does things long enough I will eventually give in. I am not saying that I am going to be a strict parent, but I want my daughter to grow up to respect the rules that are put in place and to not be out of control like some other children I see.

"NO!!!!!"

The Dropping Game

Do you know what has been irritating me lately? The fact that every time Keith and I go out to a restaurant with Jayde, they NEVER have anything for her to eat. I don't mean typical baby food, because obviously I know that isn't on the menu. I mean something without all the bad things added to it. Why can't I order plain old chicken without all the seasoning? Why do the mash potatoes have to come with salt and pepper? Why do the steamed vegetables have to be saturated with tons of butter? I realize that, yes, I am very capable of bringing food for her. I also realize that I don't necessarily need to be eating out. And, I also realize that most food in restaurants are pre-made. I know that there are many parents out there who don't mind feeding their kids greasy french fries, but I do. Whether it's my daughter or someone else's child, I feel like there should be at least one thing on the menu that can accommodate them. Is that so hard?

Jayde is on the move. I now realize why people say that having a mobile baby isn't only a blessing, but a curse! Jayde is in to everything and anything that she can get her little hands on. I will turn my head for just one second and she will have made her way into the other room and pulled all of the books off of the bookshelf. All of her toys that used to remain in one corner of the room are now scattered across the house by the end of the day. The weirdest part is when I walk out of the room and into another for a moment, she will follow me. She is still doing her military crawl, which everyone who has witnessed it thinks is interesting. Although, in the last couple days she has been working on her "normal" crawl. She usually will start out with the traditional crawl for about 2-3 feet, and then plop down onto her belly and continue to crawl military style.

The thing that scares me now is the fact that Jayde keeps trying to climb up onto everything. The table, entertainment center, her crib, a chair- You  name it, she will try to climb up on it to get herself to a standing position. She has gotten better at it, but she is still clumsy, which she will be for a while since she is a baby. Her climbing on everything means that she is always falling, which also means that she will have a new bruise every couple of days. It isn't the actual standing that she has problems with, it is pulling herself up to a standing position that can be tricky. Once she is standing, she is a pro. Her favorite little game: to drop her toy while she is standing and bend over to pick it up off the ground. Then, of course, she will drop is again and repeat the process. It is so fun to watch her. She has so much fun and is so proud of herself being able to do it. That's the funny thing about babies. They have the most fun doing stuff that is a natural reaction to someone our age. Usually, if we were to drop something on accident we would pick it up without thinking about it and go on with our day. I sit here and watch Jayde drop something on purpose just to pick it up. While she is doing it, she will be concentrating so hard like it's the biggest and greatest task, which it is to her. I always laugh to myself. Watching a baby develop can be so interesting at times.

First Photo Shoot!

The day before the shoot:

Jayde's very first photo shoot is already here! I know I signed up for this whole modeling gig just for fun, but I'm pretty excited that she actually got a shoot! I found out that she got booked about a month ago, and here we are. A month has just zipped by! So this morning I got to sleep in a bit while Keith woke up with Jayde. He came into our room during my mid-sleep and told me that Jayde fell and bumped her head, but I really gave it no thought. When I woke up and walked into the living room, I saw this huge red mark on Jayde's beautiful face. WHAT THE F*$&?! When I first saw her face, I wasn't thinking about her photo shoot. My poor baby! Keith told me that she was trying to stand up against the entertainment center and that she fell and bumped her head. After I asked Keith a million questions about how it happened and why it happened, it then dawned on me, SHE HAS A PHOTO SHOOT TOMORROW!

Crap! Jayde's first shoot could be ruined by the fact that she has a huge red mark/bruise on her face. I knew I had to e-mail her agent and tell her about it. Basically I said, "Jayde had a fall this morning and she has a 'somewhat noticeable mark' on her cheek." I was nervous when she sent an e-mail back to me asking me to send her a picture ASAP. All the pictures I was taking made the mark look 10 times worse than it actually was. I was trying to take a picture where you could see it, but it wasn't too noticeable. Finally, I got a decent one and sent it to her. She took a while to message me back, which made me even more nervous. But after waiting for an hour, she finally e-mailed me back saying, "Don't worry about it. She will be fine." THANK GOD!


Jayde's boo boo on her cheek!

Later that day, I finally got the e-mail telling me the time and location of the shoot. Like I have said before, most go-sees and shoots are very last minute. The shoot is going to be at 10:30 am in the city of Inverness. Inverness? Ya. I looked it up on my GPS, and it's basically towards San Rafael. It's about 57 miles away from where I live. I kept reading the e-mail and came across the "please bring" section. It said, "Playclothes. Girly, backyardy feel with a little bit of a romantic edge. Natural textures, fabrics would be great here. Go a little more earthy but still ultimately preppy. Colors: pink, white, with touches of taupe and yellows." Um, what? Good thing her agent called right after I had read the e-mail, because I was completely confused as to what to bring for her to wear. She read the description and started to laugh. I'm glad I wasn't the only one who thought it was completely crazy! She said to just pick out some "preppy-ish" clothing, and not to worry about it to much. Most of the time, they won't even look at the clothes I bring because they are going to have what they want already. The clothes that I bring are kind of a "just in case" thing, for whatever reason. I then told her happily that Jayde's cheek was a lot better from what it was that morning. She just kinda laughed and said, "If for whatever reason it's a problem, they will just photo shop it out." Oh ya, duh. I forgot I was dealing with professionals.

The day of the shoot:

Keith decided to take the day off of work to come with me to Jayde's shoot. Thank god he did, because driving there was insane! There wasn't traffic or anything, but the roads where curvy and foresty. Inverness is really in the middle of nowhere! We got there at the perfect time, I had enough time to feed Jayde and change her diaper before going in. When I say that she had a photo shoot, your probably expecting this big wear house in the middle of a business area. Her shoot was at a house in a residential area. Like, they literally rented someones house out for the day to have the shoot there. In front of the house there were huge moving trucks with all these props and things. Basically, they choose a room in the house and completely transformed it into a nursery for the shoot.

When I first got there, I was brought upstairs where I met another mother with a 10 month old daughter who was also going to be shooting that day. There was this lady who was there who wasn't part of the shoot really, but her job was to stay with us and walk us through everything. She had tons of toys for Jayde to play with, which kept her occupied for most of the time. Eventually they brought in wardrobes, which was pretty much just a plain onesie with a pair of pants. I guess the wardrobes weren't a big deal since Pottery Barn isn't necessarily a clothing store. I was just a little thrown off by the plainness of it from the extravagant "please bring" section of the e-mail I had read the night before. A lot of the time is just sitting there waiting. Your waiting for the photographer and and for everyone else to make sure that the set is perfect.

Waiting around for her turn to shoot!

The other baby was completely ready, so they decided to shoot her first. They where having a tough time deciding what pants Jayde was going to wear; the first were too long, then to tight, and then just right. Finally, it was Jayde's turn. While shooting they try and make it so the parents aren't in direct sight of the baby. That way the baby isn't distracted and looking at mommy rather than the camera or whatever else they want the baby to focus on. Because of this, I wasn't really able to tell if she took good pictures or not. After a while, she got bored with the people trying to sing her songs and poke her feet. They asked me to come in there and try to get her to be active. Right when I walked in, she seemed super happy, she started laughing a smiling. Then, all of the sudden, she started reaching for me and crying. I finally got her to calm down, and they were able to finish getting the shots they needed. The only thing that was frustrating was that when they wanted her to sit, she would crawl and when they wanted her to crawl, she would sit. But what can you do? She's a baby.

The other mom and I sat in the room again and waited for them to review the pictures. After a while they came in and told us that they wanted to take a few more shots of each baby. We looked at each other like, "really?". Not because we didn't want them to take more pictures, but because the babies where exhausted, hungry, and where kind of done with everything. She went down first for a little bit, and then it was Jayde's turn yet again. She wasn't really having it this time around. They where able to get some shots, but she was just done. She was happy when I was holding her, but then every time I tried to set her down she would start whining. They told me it wasn't a big deal. They had already got what they needed and was just trying to get some"extras."

I went and got my stuff together, got the time card filled out, and then was able to leave. Afterwards both Jayde and I where exhausted and starving! We stopped and got something to eat on the way home, and then we were able to nap on the way home too since Keith was driving. It was a LONG day. It was a 1.5 hour drive there, a 2.5 hour shoot, and a 1.5 hour drive back home. I cannot wait to see how Jayde's pictures turn out. I am even more excited to see her as a model for the Pottery Barn Kids Spring 2012 collection!!!

Even though I was stuck in a room for the most of the day, at least I got to look at this beautiful view!

Change Overnight

The past week has been a little... how do I put it? Off. Basically, Jayde's sleeping has been totally horrible! I have no problem getting her to sleep. Its the same as it's always been, she is down at her bedtime with no struggle. So, what's the problem you ask? The problem is that she has been waking up at incredibly early times. On Tuesday she woke up at 4:30am. I figured she just woke up for a feeding, so I brought her out to the living room like I usually do and fed her. She ended up dozing off, so I put her back into her crib. She immediately woke up and started crying. I thought that maybe I didn't feed her enough, so I went back into her room to get her, fed her, and then tried to put her back down. Nope, she wasn't going back to sleep. I ended up bringing her into my bed, because I was not in any way ready to be up that early. I know that 4:30am isn't THAT early, but it is when your expecting to wake up at 7:00am. She ended up falling asleep in our bed and waking up at about 6:45am. The next night Keith asked me, "Do you think Jayde will be up at 4:30 again?" I responded, "I don't care what time she's up, as long as it's not at 4:30!!" Well, she didn't wake up at 4:30. Instead she woke up at 2:30am. SHIT! When I said "as long as it's not 4:30," I didn't mean earlier!!!! Pretty much the same thing happened, she ended up in our bed, and fell asleep. Last night she woke up at 3:00am, and again, the same thing happened.

Your probably asking why I don't let her just lay in bed and cry it out. The problem is that when Jayde wakes up at night, she pulls herself up to a standing position in her crib. I really don't think she would be able to put herself back to sleep while standing, she doesn't even know how to get herself to lay back down! Not only that, but she doesn't exactly have perfect balance yet. I have witnessed her fall and hit her head on the wooden panels, and I seriously freaked out! So not only will she not go back to sleep, but I won't able to either. Because I will be sitting there in my room staring at the monitor making sure she doesn't hurt herself. I researched the topic today, and this was my finding:

"At 6 to 9 months, your baby may be learning to sit up, crawl, or possibly even cruise or walk — quite a list of achievements! Not surprisingly, he may not want to stop practicing his new skills at bedtime and may get so excited that he'll wake up to try sitting up just one more time.

Children who are learning to sit or stand up may practice their new skills at night in their crib and get stuck in an upright position once they're sitting or standing up. If this is happening to your baby, you'll need to teach him how to lie back down

Separation anxiety could also be the cause of your baby's wake-up calls. Waking up and finding you not there may cause some distress. But he'll probably calm down as soon as you enter the room and greet him."

I could definitely understand her practicing at night, and possibly getting stuck. Separation anxiety? Jayde does have slight separation anxiety at times, it depends what mood she is in. When we are at an unfamiliar place with people she doesn't see often, she can get clingy and she won't want to be in any ones arms but mine until she warms up to them. But, is it even possible to get separation anxiety when your in your own bed in your own house? It doesn't seem possible to me, but apparently it is.

All I have to say that whatever the reason; practicing, getting stuck, growth spurt, teething, etc., I hope that this will pass sooner rather than later!

Jayde standing with the support of her changing table

Speaking of teething, Jayde is almost 9 months old and she has yet to break a tooth through! It's so crazy because everyone thought that she was going to be on the early side of getting her first tooth. We thought she started the process of teething at 2.5 months, and then again at 4 months, again at 6 months, and so on. She never got a tooth when we were "for sure" she was teething, so we gave up on talking about it. People always ask us, "Is she teething?" We always look at each other and respond, "I have no idea, but it is a possibility." I kept waiting anxiously for her to break her first tooth, but now when I think about it, I am happy she hasn't for two reasons. 1. The longer she waits to get her first tooth, the longer it will be easier to breastfeed her without getting bitten. Hell, if she doesn't get her tooth until shes a year old, I will never even have to worry about it! 2. I will have longger to enjoy her cute baby gummy smile.

Fall is finally here! Which means that Jayde's first Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas is coming up! I am ecstatic! It's weird to think that this year, I am now officially "Santa!" I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday season, because I know that I will!


Another amazing thing about fall- Starbucks pumpkin spice latte!

Oh, and I thought this was cool:

Crazy, huh?