This week was a sad, sad week. Something HORRIBLE happened! I started my period for the first time in over a year. I was hoping that since I was breastfeeding that I wouldn't get my period for a long time, but all my hoping didn't do me any good. This is by far the weirdest period I have ever had. Last week it started off with me having horrible cramps. The cramps were so bad that it reminded me of when I was first going into labor, it was intense! Not only that, but while I was having cramps I wasn't feeling well at all. All of these things were happening, but the real deal didn't start until earlier this week. Usually I'm only on my period for 3 days (maybe 4 max) but I have seriously been on this thing for about a week now! I really hope my periods aren't like this for the rest of my life and that this is just a temporary thing.
Jayde's sleep training didn't really go as planned. We tried 2 more times after my last post and we gave in and picked her up both those times. Our second attempt we made some progress though. After a little over an hour of crying she DID fall asleep. The only reason that attempt failed was because she woke after sleeping for about 2 hours and I was so tired that I took her into bed with me and then fell asleep while feeding her. I know, my mistake. The third time we tried it just didn't work at all. She cried for 2 hours and then we decided to pick her up. Listening to her cry for that long was just too depressing, I was probably crying even more than she was. I think the reason why it didn't work the third time was because we didn't wait long enough to try after the first two failed attempts. She remembered from previous experiences that we were eventually going to pick her up. In conclusion, Keith and I will be trying again in a few weeks. We are confident that it will work because it did, we just didn't follow through with it. Next time we decided to do it, there will be no giving in and hopefully no mistakes. In order for this to work we have to stick to the plan. I am determined to get Jayde in her crib and sleeping on her own and I know that in the end that the sleep training will benefit everyone. In the meantime, Jayde will be sleeping cuddled next to mommy as usual.
I can't wait until Jayde's 4 month appointment next week because I really want to talk to the doctor about starting Jayde on some rice cereal. I really think she is ready! When she is mad Keith sometimes spoon feeds her water, it's the funniest thing. Since the first time he has tried it, she took the water from the spoon like a champ. She pretty much already knew what a spoon was and what to do with it. Not only that but she is always trying to reach for our food. Today, Keith and I went to eat at Digger's Diner and the whole time she was trying to reach for the basket of french fries. She is determined to get real food, she is so over the whole "just milk" diet. Basically, Jayde is showing all the signs of wanting to start solids. The only thing she can't do that is necessary for her to start them is sit up on her own. But, I am hoping that Jayde being able to sit up while leaning up against something might just be enough since she has all the other signs of wanting to eat! I can't wait until she is able to start solids, I'm already planning on making all her baby food by scratch! Plus, maybe just maybe, her having something more than milk in her tummy will help with her sleeping at night.
Everything has been going good for the most part. The only thing I can complain about is me not having money. Their are things that I want that I wish I could buy and I no longer have the luxury of seeing something cute for Jayde and buying it. Not having money doesn't make me want to go back work though, I'm just going to have to adjust. I'm going back to school in August and then with I'm done with that I will have the rest of my life to work. I am more than happy being able to stay home with my baby girl and I wouldn't change it for anything! I think it's crucial for me to be there for Jayde in her first year of life and I am just thankful that I am able to do so. Thank you Keith for making me being able to stay home with Jayde possible!
Being a mommy has taught me the true meaning of PATIENCE. Before having Jayde I was the most impatience person, but motherhood teaches you some amazing things. This past week I have come to the realization that I cannot rush Jayde to start sleeping by herself or for her to start eating solids. Everything she does is on her own terms, not mine!
Friday, May 27, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Sleep Training.. TAKE ONE!
Yesterday I went to the doctors to get my ear checked. I thought for sure I had an ear infection, the pain was so horrible! When the doctor told me that my ear was perfect I was confused. Where was this intense pain coming from? The doctor then told me that I was having a TMJ flair up. TMJ? How the hell could that be possible? The doctor told me that is was most likely from stress and lack of sleep, which caused me to clench my jaw or grind my teeth while sleeping. Right after she mentioned stress and lack of sleep, there was no doubt in my mind that TMJ was exactly what it was.
The last couple nights have been rough. Putting Jayde to sleep has really become a chore! It's been so frustrating trying for hours to put her to sleep and waking up for so many night time feedings. The last two weeks I have been completely exhausted. Jayde never sleeps or naps, and I never get a break! Last night, I put her to sleep and she woke up in about 10 minutes wanting me to come back into the room with her. At that point, I had enough! Keith and I agreed we would put her in her crib and try letting her cry it out. As i picked her up and put her in her crib, i started having second thoughts. Thinking of the night I was about to have ahead of me made me tear up. As a mother, hearing your baby cry is the worse thing ever. I then talked myself into it, saying to myself that it was for her own good. I put her down, gave her a kiss goodnight and left the room. Immediately the crying began..
Luckily I was some what distracted because last night was Tuesday, which meant "16 and Pregnant" and "Pregnant in Heels" was on. Not only that but Keith made me a delicious dinner, yum! Keith and I would take turns checking on her in intervals. We first checked on her after 3 minutes, then five, seven, and ten. Since 10 minutes was our max time, we checked on her every 10 minutes after that point. The first few checks were not that bad. She had not really worked herself up at all and when I went in there and turned her mobile on she would stop crying for a little bit. However, after about 45 minutes went by, she was MAD. Every time I went in there to check on her she would look at me like, "What the hell is going on? Why are you not picking me up?" The look on her face and her cries broke my heart and there was nothing I could do to calm her down. Every time I would leave the room she would get even more upset, it was the saddest thing. Once leaving the room, she would scream for about 5 minutes and then she would calm herself down. By the time I had to go back in there she was just whining. It was frustrating because every time I went to check on her she would just get mad all over again, it seemed to be a never ending cycle.
As I was in the living room watching TV something magical happened, she wasn't crying. I looked over at Keith and asked, "She couldn't be sleeping, could she?" I waited until the 10 minutes were up and then went to check on her. Was she sleeping? Nope! But instead of screaming once she saw me, she smiled. I was confused. I couldn't help but laugh. This wasn't suppose to happen, was it? I left the room and told Keith what just happened and he looked at me like I was crazy. We decided that since her crying wasn't getting her anywhere she was trying another tactic, she knew that mommy couldn't resist her cute little smile. Smart baby, right?
At that point, Keith and I weren't really sure what to do. Do we keep checking up on her if she isn't crying? We decided we would and every time we went in their Jayde would be wide awake smiling at us. It had been 2 hours and Jayde was STILL not asleep. In the mean time, a fellow mommy messaged me on facebook and asked how everything was going with letting Jayde cry it out. I told her about what was going on why we decided to try the sleep training. She then told me that between 3-4 months babies go through something called a sleep regression. I looked it up on the Internet and everything they said made complete sense as to why Jayde's sleep schedule was horrible. Basically around that time their sleep cycle changes and it takes longer for them to get into a deep sleep. Because they are adjusting and getting used to this, they wake up more frequently. Not only that, but at around 4 months babies go through intense growth spurts. Not body growing growth spurts but brain growing growth spurts. This causes their brain activity to be going non-stop, which makes it hard for babies to fall asleep and stay asleep. And of course, every growth spurt of any type comes with frequent feedings. All of this makes sense, right?
After 2.5 hours of trying to let Jayde cry it out/smile it out and then reading about the 4 month sleep regression, Keith and I went and picked our little baby up. Yes, I know your thinking about how stupid I am for being strong for so long and then giving up. But, I don't feel as if I really gave up. I think of last night as a "test run." I have even questions about the whole crying it out and sleep regression thing than I did before. Thank god on Saturday I'll be going to a sleep solutions class and I will be able to talk about everything to a baby sleep expert. Once all my questions are answered and I feel confident that leaving Jayde to cry is really the best thing to do, I will be trying again!
The last couple nights have been rough. Putting Jayde to sleep has really become a chore! It's been so frustrating trying for hours to put her to sleep and waking up for so many night time feedings. The last two weeks I have been completely exhausted. Jayde never sleeps or naps, and I never get a break! Last night, I put her to sleep and she woke up in about 10 minutes wanting me to come back into the room with her. At that point, I had enough! Keith and I agreed we would put her in her crib and try letting her cry it out. As i picked her up and put her in her crib, i started having second thoughts. Thinking of the night I was about to have ahead of me made me tear up. As a mother, hearing your baby cry is the worse thing ever. I then talked myself into it, saying to myself that it was for her own good. I put her down, gave her a kiss goodnight and left the room. Immediately the crying began..
Luckily I was some what distracted because last night was Tuesday, which meant "16 and Pregnant" and "Pregnant in Heels" was on. Not only that but Keith made me a delicious dinner, yum! Keith and I would take turns checking on her in intervals. We first checked on her after 3 minutes, then five, seven, and ten. Since 10 minutes was our max time, we checked on her every 10 minutes after that point. The first few checks were not that bad. She had not really worked herself up at all and when I went in there and turned her mobile on she would stop crying for a little bit. However, after about 45 minutes went by, she was MAD. Every time I went in there to check on her she would look at me like, "What the hell is going on? Why are you not picking me up?" The look on her face and her cries broke my heart and there was nothing I could do to calm her down. Every time I would leave the room she would get even more upset, it was the saddest thing. Once leaving the room, she would scream for about 5 minutes and then she would calm herself down. By the time I had to go back in there she was just whining. It was frustrating because every time I went to check on her she would just get mad all over again, it seemed to be a never ending cycle.
As I was in the living room watching TV something magical happened, she wasn't crying. I looked over at Keith and asked, "She couldn't be sleeping, could she?" I waited until the 10 minutes were up and then went to check on her. Was she sleeping? Nope! But instead of screaming once she saw me, she smiled. I was confused. I couldn't help but laugh. This wasn't suppose to happen, was it? I left the room and told Keith what just happened and he looked at me like I was crazy. We decided that since her crying wasn't getting her anywhere she was trying another tactic, she knew that mommy couldn't resist her cute little smile. Smart baby, right?
At that point, Keith and I weren't really sure what to do. Do we keep checking up on her if she isn't crying? We decided we would and every time we went in their Jayde would be wide awake smiling at us. It had been 2 hours and Jayde was STILL not asleep. In the mean time, a fellow mommy messaged me on facebook and asked how everything was going with letting Jayde cry it out. I told her about what was going on why we decided to try the sleep training. She then told me that between 3-4 months babies go through something called a sleep regression. I looked it up on the Internet and everything they said made complete sense as to why Jayde's sleep schedule was horrible. Basically around that time their sleep cycle changes and it takes longer for them to get into a deep sleep. Because they are adjusting and getting used to this, they wake up more frequently. Not only that, but at around 4 months babies go through intense growth spurts. Not body growing growth spurts but brain growing growth spurts. This causes their brain activity to be going non-stop, which makes it hard for babies to fall asleep and stay asleep. And of course, every growth spurt of any type comes with frequent feedings. All of this makes sense, right?
After 2.5 hours of trying to let Jayde cry it out/smile it out and then reading about the 4 month sleep regression, Keith and I went and picked our little baby up. Yes, I know your thinking about how stupid I am for being strong for so long and then giving up. But, I don't feel as if I really gave up. I think of last night as a "test run." I have even questions about the whole crying it out and sleep regression thing than I did before. Thank god on Saturday I'll be going to a sleep solutions class and I will be able to talk about everything to a baby sleep expert. Once all my questions are answered and I feel confident that leaving Jayde to cry is really the best thing to do, I will be trying again!
Friday, May 13, 2011
Sleep? What's sleep?
I thought I was the luckiest parent alive when Jayde started sleeping through the night at about 6 weeks old. But as they say, "good things don't last forever!" ESPECIALLY when it comes to babies. I asked so many people why she wasn't sleeping well anymore and it would always be the same response, "just when you get used to a baby's schedule they change it on you." You would think that after so many weeks of not sleeping that she would finally fall back into her good sleeping habits but she hasn't. I mean, she has gotten some-what better. There was a point where she was waking up every 2-3 hours and it was horrible. Now she will wake up about 2 times a night, once at 11pm and once at 330am.
Jayde has never been a napper. When she was born everybody would always comment on how she was so aware and alert, and she was. She much rather stay awake and look at all the colors and lights instead of sleeping, that's how it has always been for as long as I remember. I have finally found a way to get her to nap like she is suppose to and that is to take a nap with her. Well,Ii don't necessarily have to take a nap but I definitely need to stay in the bed with her.It's great to have her nap, especially when I can sleep with her when I'm tired. I just wish that i can have her sleep during the day without me having to be here with her. I have things to do and sometimes the only time to do them is when she is napping. If I leave the room she will usually wake up in 10 minutes, its almost as if she senses me leaving the room. Sometimes I even catch her waking herself up just to make sure I'm still there and then falling back asleep.
A long time ago Keith and I talked about how we were going to sleep train Jayde. At first, I was totally against the "cry it out" method but now that we are having so much trouble with Jayde's sleep I agreed to try it. We set a date to start, which was May 18th, until i decided to move it back a little more. I'm taking a sleep solution class at the Day One Center in Walnut Creek on May 21st and I want to wait letting her cry it out until I know absolutely everything about it. I know the method itself isn't hard, it's just letting her figure out how to soothe herself to sleep in her crib while checking on her periodically. But i have questions regarding Jayde as an individual. I'm also so skeptical about starting this whole thing because I know I will be sitting here all night listening to her cry and it will break my heart.
In the mean time, there are some things that I am trying to accomplish before putting Jayde in her own room and sleep training her. I've been trying to be consistent with a bed time routine. Every night at 645 i give her a bath, put on her jammies, wipe down her gums, read her a bedtime story, feed her, and then put her to sleep. she usually actually falls asleep between 730 and 830 depending on what kind of day it was. I am also trying my hardest to find another way of getting her to sleep besides her falling asleep at the breast, which has been hard! Another thing that I've been working on is weaning her out of her swaddle. That by far is the hardest task. I've been trying to ween her out of that thing for the last few weeks it seems like. She will not sleep without it and its frustrating! Finally, i got her to sleep with one arm out. She has been sleeping that way for about a week now and in a few more weeks i'm going to try taking her other one out. Slowly but surely I will get her out of that swaddle!!
I'm hoping within the next month that Jayde will be sleeping beautifully throughout the night again and taking scheduled naps. Maybe not perfectly, but hopefully we will have some sort of improvement. I really wish I would have started her sleep training and a stricter schedule earlier, but i can't dwell on the past and can only move forward.
Jayde has never been a napper. When she was born everybody would always comment on how she was so aware and alert, and she was. She much rather stay awake and look at all the colors and lights instead of sleeping, that's how it has always been for as long as I remember. I have finally found a way to get her to nap like she is suppose to and that is to take a nap with her. Well,Ii don't necessarily have to take a nap but I definitely need to stay in the bed with her.It's great to have her nap, especially when I can sleep with her when I'm tired. I just wish that i can have her sleep during the day without me having to be here with her. I have things to do and sometimes the only time to do them is when she is napping. If I leave the room she will usually wake up in 10 minutes, its almost as if she senses me leaving the room. Sometimes I even catch her waking herself up just to make sure I'm still there and then falling back asleep.
A long time ago Keith and I talked about how we were going to sleep train Jayde. At first, I was totally against the "cry it out" method but now that we are having so much trouble with Jayde's sleep I agreed to try it. We set a date to start, which was May 18th, until i decided to move it back a little more. I'm taking a sleep solution class at the Day One Center in Walnut Creek on May 21st and I want to wait letting her cry it out until I know absolutely everything about it. I know the method itself isn't hard, it's just letting her figure out how to soothe herself to sleep in her crib while checking on her periodically. But i have questions regarding Jayde as an individual. I'm also so skeptical about starting this whole thing because I know I will be sitting here all night listening to her cry and it will break my heart.
In the mean time, there are some things that I am trying to accomplish before putting Jayde in her own room and sleep training her. I've been trying to be consistent with a bed time routine. Every night at 645 i give her a bath, put on her jammies, wipe down her gums, read her a bedtime story, feed her, and then put her to sleep. she usually actually falls asleep between 730 and 830 depending on what kind of day it was. I am also trying my hardest to find another way of getting her to sleep besides her falling asleep at the breast, which has been hard! Another thing that I've been working on is weaning her out of her swaddle. That by far is the hardest task. I've been trying to ween her out of that thing for the last few weeks it seems like. She will not sleep without it and its frustrating! Finally, i got her to sleep with one arm out. She has been sleeping that way for about a week now and in a few more weeks i'm going to try taking her other one out. Slowly but surely I will get her out of that swaddle!!
I'm hoping within the next month that Jayde will be sleeping beautifully throughout the night again and taking scheduled naps. Maybe not perfectly, but hopefully we will have some sort of improvement. I really wish I would have started her sleep training and a stricter schedule earlier, but i can't dwell on the past and can only move forward.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
40 weeks + 4 months in a nutsell.
SO, on January 18th of this year I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Yes, this does mean that she is now almost 4 months and I am a little late with this whole blogging thing. I saw that one of my fellow moms started a blog and I thought to myself "how perfect", because there are many times I feel that I just need to share my thoughts with someone. Yes, I do have my boyfriend, my friends, my family and even my daughter to talk to. But sometimes people don't always understand certain situations and I'm hoping to look back at this one day and remember all the good times I had and laugh at the bad ones as well.
Where to start? Let's start at the very beginning.
I found out I was pregnant on May 27th of 2010, and boy was it a surprise. Never in my life would I have thought to be a mother at 20 years old. I remember the day I found out so vividly. I had 3 people ask me if I was pregnant because I kept complaining about not feeling well. I eventually got irritated by the question and went to the store to buy a pregnancy test to prove to all of them that I wasn't pregnant. When I saw the pregnancy test was positive, I walked out of the room and then walked back in to make sure it was all real. I sat there for about an hour thinking to myself "what do I do?" Eventually I picked up the phone and talked to Keith (who is the father) an said, " I don't know how to say this because I have never had to say it, but I'm pregnant." After we got off the phone he came to pick me up and we went to Target and bought more pregnancy tests. Of course, they all came out positive as well. We didn't talk about it too much that night. It was almost as if it was too much to take in at the time.
There were a million reasons why I shouldn't have kept the baby. Being young, not married, etc. But even though everyone kept giving me reasons why I shouldn't keep it, I knew in my heart I could never get rid of it. After deciding to keep it the hardest part was to tell my family, especially my father. Yes, everybody was a upset at first. Especially since half of my family didn't even know I was dating anyone. But, as time went on and my due date got closer and closer people realized my "mistake" was actually a blessing.
My whole pregnancy I knew I was going to have a little girl. Going to the doctors and them telling me only confirmed it. The only thing I didn't know was what I would name that little girl. We had a boy's name picked out since the beginning. Getting the girls name took forever. I remember everyday Keith and I would text random names back and fourth to each other getting nowhere. Every name I picked reminded him of someone he knew and vice-versa. I told everyone that if I would have had a boy his name would have been Jayden and everyone's response was always, "well why can't you name your girl that?" No one ever understood that I could not just switch my boys name over to my girls name, it was just too weird. Their next response was, "what about Jada or Jade?" NO NO NO NO. I didn't want any name that was in relation to Jayden!! Then one night while I was having the "my boys name would have been Jayden" conversation with a friend via text message, they responded with the same answer as everyone else. "Why don't you just name her Jayde?" Something clicked then. Seeing it spelled out with a Y made me fall in love with the name. I texted Keith immediately and from then on that little baby inside my stomach was no longer "her", but was "Jayde." Even though we had the name all figured out, we agreed from the beginning that we were going to keep the name a secret until she was born. And yes, NO ONE knew her name until she made her debut in the world.
Honestly, I loved being pregnant. My absolute favorite part was feeling and watching my stomach move. While she was inside of me I would always play little "games" with her. My favorite one being in the shower where I would spray my belly with water and she would kick back. My favorite days of being pregnant where the ones where I got to go to the doctors and see my baby on the ultra sound. It was so crazy seeing her on that screen and hearing her heartbeat. It made being pregnant even more real. Every time after seeing the doctor I would go on a mini shopping spree and buy her a few new outfits for when she arrived.
I was lucky. I had an easy pregnancy for the most part. Yes, I did get sick twice. And yes, I did get into a car accident and had to stay in the hospital overnight for fetal monitoring. But other than that, everything always went as planned. The only part of my pregnancy that was not so fun was the last 3 weeks. I was so tired and bloated. My hips hurt, my feet were swollen and I just wanted that baby out! I was literally counting down the days until January 22nd, which was my due date. And little did I know, my daughter was coming sooner than I though.
I woke up on January 17th feeling crampy. I took a shower, ate breakfast, drank some water, and then went back to bed to take a nap thinking those cramps would go away. I woke up and they were still there. I told Keith about the cramps, but told him that I thought that I probably just wasn't drinking enough water and that I wasn't going into labor. We went out to lunch before he had to go to work and by the time we were done eating the pain got even worse. I remember walking back to the car after eating and having to stop to take a few breaths while holding my stomach in pain. I still reassured Keith that I wasn't going into labor and that he should still go to work and just drop me off at my mothers house just in case. After he dropped me of at my mothers I went to lay on the couch to find that I was rolling around in extreme pain and out of breath. I decided to call labor and delivery, told them what was going on, and they told me I should probably come in. I called Keith and apologized because after all he would be having to take me to the hospital.
I arrived at the hospital at about 5pm. When I arrived I was 3 cm dilated and 100% thinned out. They then admitted me and told me that I would be having the baby. The rest was some what of a blur. I was in so much pain, got an epidural, and then was in no pain at all. At about 12:15am on January 18th they told me I was ready to push. "Most first time moms take about 3 hours on average to push the baby out" the midwife told me. I looked at her and said " 3 hours? No no no, It will take me an hour tops." And I was right.
My daughter was born 7lbs 13oz, 21 inches long on January 18, 2011 at 12:53 am. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever laid eyes on. When they put her on my stomach, I stared at her for hours without saying a word. She literally took my breath away and left me speechless. There are no words in the world that can explain the incredible feeling of seeing your baby for the first time. I held her all night long just staring down at her. Everything about her was perfect. I couldn't believe she was all mine.
I was so excited when they told me I was able to leave the hospital. I felt great and I was ready to be in my own environment and take my baby home! I got Jayde ready, and they rolled me down to the exit with my little girl on my lap in her car seat. While I waited outside for Keith to get the car I started crying. It all became so real that my baby girl was here now that I was about to take her home. Not only that, but I knew that me leaving the hospital meant that it was official that my life was about to forever change. I was a mommy and I now had a baby. I couldn't have been happier.
While pregnant they told you about the "baby blues", but I never thought I was going to be one of the people who would be effected by it. It all started when I went home and took a shower. I remember I started spraying my belly with the water and not feeling anything kick back. I looked down and my round belly was now flat. I started balling. Weirdly I felt somewhat empty. From there on out, there would be random times where I would start crying for no reason what so ever. No, I wasn't sad or mad or depressed. No, there was never a time where I regretted having Jayde or didn't love her. But the crying was uncontrollable. Thankfully after about a week, the crying magically went away.
The scariest thing about being a new mommy is not knowing what your doing. Naturally, I was always paranoid that something was wrong with Jayde. Is she suppose to be pooping this much? Is she suppose to be sleeping this much? Is she getting enough to eat?... I could go on forever. I probably called the advice nurse everyday for the longest time asking ridiculous questions. I've made plenty of doctors appointments just for them to tell me that my baby was healthy and doing exactly as she should. The "always" paranoid does get better. It becomes "sometimes" paranoid. I think that naturally as a mom that it's your job to worry.
Breastfeeding. Where to start? I was pissed when I found out how hard breastfeeding was. Why did everyone tell me how wonderful it was but nobody bothered to tell me how hard it was in the beginning? My nipples where sore, cracked, bleeding and painful the two weeks after my daughter was born. Every time Jayde was hungry I would cry just thinking about feeding her. I went to numerous lactation consultants for them to tell me that my nipples where getting this way because my latch on was wrong, but NO ONE told me how to correct it. I was determined to breastfeed my baby, so I was desperate to find a solution. Keith found me a breastfeeding support group at the Day One Center in Walnut Creek. I went there and shared my struggles with breastfeeding while sobbing and was reassured by all the other moms that things DO get better. If it wasn't for going to that group, I honestly don't think I would have gotten through it. After that, things only got better. I found a lactation consultant that helped correct by latch and still to this day checks up on me to make sure everything is going well. Yes, breast feeding does still sometimes suck, like when Jayde is going through a growth spurt and is literally on my boob 24/7. But I am so happy and so proud of myself for sticking through it. I know that breastfeeding is the best thing for your baby and I want the best for my daughter. Breastfeeding is now so simple and just a part of my everyday life.
Motherhood is going wonderfully and I wouldn't change it for anything. Some days are bad but most days are good. Luckily, I have such a good baby. She is always so happy and smiley. I'm not saying she never cries because she does. I am also not saying that I have never stayed up all night with a crying baby, because their have been many. I have lost a lot of sleep and have been one of the many who have learned how to function being sleep deprived. But in the end, all the sleepless nights and being pooped on has been worth it. Because even though Jayde takes a lot away from me, she also gives me back a lot. She smiles her big grin whenever I talk to her, and she gets excited when she sees me walk into the room. And at the end of the day after being passed around and being held by many, I know she wouldn't trade anything in the world to not be back in the arms of her mommy. Motherhood is HARD work, but it has to be one of the most rewarding things in life. Having my daughter in my life makes me feel complete.
Where to start? Let's start at the very beginning.
 |
| My very first ultrasound-- I was about 10 weeks pregnant at the time |
There were a million reasons why I shouldn't have kept the baby. Being young, not married, etc. But even though everyone kept giving me reasons why I shouldn't keep it, I knew in my heart I could never get rid of it. After deciding to keep it the hardest part was to tell my family, especially my father. Yes, everybody was a upset at first. Especially since half of my family didn't even know I was dating anyone. But, as time went on and my due date got closer and closer people realized my "mistake" was actually a blessing.
| Ultrasound at about 20 weeks |
| Ultrasound at about 27 weeks |
I was lucky. I had an easy pregnancy for the most part. Yes, I did get sick twice. And yes, I did get into a car accident and had to stay in the hospital overnight for fetal monitoring. But other than that, everything always went as planned. The only part of my pregnancy that was not so fun was the last 3 weeks. I was so tired and bloated. My hips hurt, my feet were swollen and I just wanted that baby out! I was literally counting down the days until January 22nd, which was my due date. And little did I know, my daughter was coming sooner than I though.
| Me at about 38 weeks pregnant |
I woke up on January 17th feeling crampy. I took a shower, ate breakfast, drank some water, and then went back to bed to take a nap thinking those cramps would go away. I woke up and they were still there. I told Keith about the cramps, but told him that I thought that I probably just wasn't drinking enough water and that I wasn't going into labor. We went out to lunch before he had to go to work and by the time we were done eating the pain got even worse. I remember walking back to the car after eating and having to stop to take a few breaths while holding my stomach in pain. I still reassured Keith that I wasn't going into labor and that he should still go to work and just drop me off at my mothers house just in case. After he dropped me of at my mothers I went to lay on the couch to find that I was rolling around in extreme pain and out of breath. I decided to call labor and delivery, told them what was going on, and they told me I should probably come in. I called Keith and apologized because after all he would be having to take me to the hospital.
I arrived at the hospital at about 5pm. When I arrived I was 3 cm dilated and 100% thinned out. They then admitted me and told me that I would be having the baby. The rest was some what of a blur. I was in so much pain, got an epidural, and then was in no pain at all. At about 12:15am on January 18th they told me I was ready to push. "Most first time moms take about 3 hours on average to push the baby out" the midwife told me. I looked at her and said " 3 hours? No no no, It will take me an hour tops." And I was right.
My daughter was born 7lbs 13oz, 21 inches long on January 18, 2011 at 12:53 am. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever laid eyes on. When they put her on my stomach, I stared at her for hours without saying a word. She literally took my breath away and left me speechless. There are no words in the world that can explain the incredible feeling of seeing your baby for the first time. I held her all night long just staring down at her. Everything about her was perfect. I couldn't believe she was all mine.
| Jayde being put on my stomach after being born for skin to skin contact |
| Close up of Jayde on my stomach after being born |
| Me admiring Jayde while in the hospital |
I was so excited when they told me I was able to leave the hospital. I felt great and I was ready to be in my own environment and take my baby home! I got Jayde ready, and they rolled me down to the exit with my little girl on my lap in her car seat. While I waited outside for Keith to get the car I started crying. It all became so real that my baby girl was here now that I was about to take her home. Not only that, but I knew that me leaving the hospital meant that it was official that my life was about to forever change. I was a mommy and I now had a baby. I couldn't have been happier.
| Jayde ready to leave the hospital |
While pregnant they told you about the "baby blues", but I never thought I was going to be one of the people who would be effected by it. It all started when I went home and took a shower. I remember I started spraying my belly with the water and not feeling anything kick back. I looked down and my round belly was now flat. I started balling. Weirdly I felt somewhat empty. From there on out, there would be random times where I would start crying for no reason what so ever. No, I wasn't sad or mad or depressed. No, there was never a time where I regretted having Jayde or didn't love her. But the crying was uncontrollable. Thankfully after about a week, the crying magically went away.
The scariest thing about being a new mommy is not knowing what your doing. Naturally, I was always paranoid that something was wrong with Jayde. Is she suppose to be pooping this much? Is she suppose to be sleeping this much? Is she getting enough to eat?... I could go on forever. I probably called the advice nurse everyday for the longest time asking ridiculous questions. I've made plenty of doctors appointments just for them to tell me that my baby was healthy and doing exactly as she should. The "always" paranoid does get better. It becomes "sometimes" paranoid. I think that naturally as a mom that it's your job to worry.
Breastfeeding. Where to start? I was pissed when I found out how hard breastfeeding was. Why did everyone tell me how wonderful it was but nobody bothered to tell me how hard it was in the beginning? My nipples where sore, cracked, bleeding and painful the two weeks after my daughter was born. Every time Jayde was hungry I would cry just thinking about feeding her. I went to numerous lactation consultants for them to tell me that my nipples where getting this way because my latch on was wrong, but NO ONE told me how to correct it. I was determined to breastfeed my baby, so I was desperate to find a solution. Keith found me a breastfeeding support group at the Day One Center in Walnut Creek. I went there and shared my struggles with breastfeeding while sobbing and was reassured by all the other moms that things DO get better. If it wasn't for going to that group, I honestly don't think I would have gotten through it. After that, things only got better. I found a lactation consultant that helped correct by latch and still to this day checks up on me to make sure everything is going well. Yes, breast feeding does still sometimes suck, like when Jayde is going through a growth spurt and is literally on my boob 24/7. But I am so happy and so proud of myself for sticking through it. I know that breastfeeding is the best thing for your baby and I want the best for my daughter. Breastfeeding is now so simple and just a part of my everyday life.
Motherhood is going wonderfully and I wouldn't change it for anything. Some days are bad but most days are good. Luckily, I have such a good baby. She is always so happy and smiley. I'm not saying she never cries because she does. I am also not saying that I have never stayed up all night with a crying baby, because their have been many. I have lost a lot of sleep and have been one of the many who have learned how to function being sleep deprived. But in the end, all the sleepless nights and being pooped on has been worth it. Because even though Jayde takes a lot away from me, she also gives me back a lot. She smiles her big grin whenever I talk to her, and she gets excited when she sees me walk into the room. And at the end of the day after being passed around and being held by many, I know she wouldn't trade anything in the world to not be back in the arms of her mommy. Motherhood is HARD work, but it has to be one of the most rewarding things in life. Having my daughter in my life makes me feel complete.
I know that this post was long, and maybe even boring for a few. But while writing it I laughed and cried and hope that people enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed typing it. There will be many posts to come talking about my ups and downs of motherhood, so stay posted! I cannot wait to see what life as Mommy will bring.
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