Hybrid Hair

People are always asking about & commenting on Jayde's hair, so I thought it was only appropriate to blog about it.

Hair pulled back in a natural pony tail. No extra styling done.

Don't get me wrong, I love the uniqueness of her hair,  but it is unruly and sometimes very hard to tame. Keith has given her hair the name "hybrid hair," because that is pretty much what it is- a mix of Caucasian hair and black hair. The hardest part is: it isn't really "white" or "black" hair either. Yes, it is somewhat smooth and has somewhat of the same texture as "white" hair, but at the same time it is so curly and frizzy, I don't know what to do with it at times. And because it is super curly, but not the same texture as "black" hair, Keith doesn't really know what to do with it either.
For the longest time, we didn't really know how to care for it, so we didn't do anything at all. There came a point, once her hair got longer, that we could no longer get away with not doing anything to it. People were constantly telling me that I needed to do something with her hair because it looked SO out of control. But what could I do? Not only had I never done someone else's hair, but I had no idea how to take care of hair like hers.
Finally, a family member took me to a hair stylist who specializes in hair like Jayde's. She taught me SO much in such a short amount of time, I was so grateful! But learning how to take care of her hair made me realize that I was in for a lot of work (until she is able to do her hair by herself.)

Jayde at the salon when I was being taught how to do her hair. She was one and a half years old when this picture was taken!

The main, and most important thing: MOISTURE.

The more moisture that is in her hair, the easier it is to tame. The less water, the better. Which meant that instead of washing her hair as much as I did, I had to start washing her hair once a week. This seemed really crazy to me at first, because I wash my hair nearly every day! But then I realized, my hair is very different than hers, and her hair is more prone to dry out. To add moisture into her hair, I apply Argan Oil in her hair a few times a week (or more, depending on how dry it is feeling). I will usually apply the oil before bed, and then put her hair in braids so that her hair locks in the moisture and soaks up the oil while she is sleeping.
Doing her hair is a MUST. Everyday. If not, not only does her hair get super tangled, but it seems to dry out. Each day I apply minimal water (usually combined 1:1 with some conditioner to help her hair not dry out), and add some leave in conditioner for styling (and again, also for the purpose of conditioning). Most days I throw her hair up in some sort of braid, pony tail, or bun. That way, her hair is usually more manageable throughout the day. I also find that when I put it up, the moisture is better retained. I learned how to "curl" her hair with my fingers (although sometimes I find it easier to use a rat tail comb). This is the best way to do her hair, since it keeps it from getting tangled, keeps in the moisture, and trains her curls. I also prefer doing her hair in a "up" style, because it is personally easier for me. Her hair is at an awkward length stage right now, and it is hard for me to get it looking right. Since her hair is more of a "fro" and has not fallen down to her shoulders, it makes her hair being naturally down more difficult at times.

Picture was taken when Jayde had just turned two years old. This is when I was starting to get the hang of styling her hair. These are the curls that I make with my finger/rat tail comb.

I am technically suppose to do something with her hair at night as well. I was told that braiding it is best, or to curl it with my fingers. This way while she is sleeping, her hair won't break from rubbing against her pillow. It is also suppose to help keep her hair moisturized, since this is when I will generally apply the oil. While I try to do it as most as I can, I honestly don't do it nearly as often as I should. But, I am going to try and get on track with it, because I am now realizing how important it is to take good care of her hair. The people at the hair salon also told me to get her a silk pillow to help with the breakage of her hair, but I haven't done that either. However, I did just purchase a satin bonnet for her to start wearing to bed at night, which is suppose to do the same thing. I am not sure if she will even wear it, but it is worth a shot.

The Jayde-fro.

The thing I haven't mastered yet: french braiding. It is SO different braiding thick, curly hair then it is other types. I feel like the braids I do always come out messy, or not looking quite right. Oh well, I will just have to keep practicing. Practice makes perfect ;)

Classic "bath hair" photo.

I am sure you are thinking to yourself, "that is a lot of work for hair!"… YES, it is. But I have gotten used to it these past 2 years, and it is now just a part of our daily routine. Luckily, Jayde has always been somewhat ok with me doing her hair, and will sit still during the time it takes me to get through the whole process. I do sometimes catch myself getting lazy with it (like last week), and then I instantly regret it because her hair drys out SO much. Then I basically have to start all over again with having to do extra work to get the hydration in her hair back.

CRAZY HAIR!

Not only is her hair time consuming, but her hair products sometimes cost a fair amount of money. Not to mention that I have to spend money on utensils every once in a while since I usually have to use 3-4 different hair combs/brushes on her hair (depending on what style I am trying to accomplish that day). I am constantly trying new things and buying new products to find what works best with her hair. So far, I have had a few that I like, but most of the things I end up not liking. This last time around, I purchased the ever so popular "Mixed Chicks." People are always ranting and raving about it, so I figured that it was time that I try it on Jayde. I will say that it smells fabulous, but it dried my daughters hair out SO much, I just could not bare to even finish the bottle. That's the annoying thing about products, what works amazing on one persons hair, might not do the same for another. And I hate that I have to spend all this money to buy a product, not knowing if it is going to work out for us or not. I ordered a few products from "Miss Jessie" that actually just arrived in the mail today, so I will be trying those products out tomorrow. I hope they work as good as people say they do, because with the condition of Jayde's hair now (from the drying out of the Mixed Chicks), I need a miracle!

New product that I will be trying- Miss Jessie's!

As costly and time consuming as her hair is, I love it! I honestly wouldn't have her hair any other way. It is beautiful and unique, and one of the many things that makes her who she is. Once I stopped being afraid and embarrassed about not knowing how to take care of it, styling it has been so much fun. I love learning new hair styles and being able to experiment with different things. I have even started using fun hair accessories like bows, head bands, puffs, and other items to spice things up. I even once put washable purple coloring in her hair, because she kept asking me to dye her hair purple. I can only hope that I can teach Jayde all of the things I have learned these past years so she will be able to love and care for her hair the way I do.

Fun purple hair! 

Fast Forward

Wow, it has been almost TWO years since I last posted on here. Part of me has forgotten about this little place that I use to use as a recording device to vent all of my happiness, sadness, and madness.  I briefly glanced at my very last post, "Little Diva," and don't even recognize the little girl I see in those pictures. Was that Jayde? I see mention of the milestone of her "forward facing in her big girl car seat," and feel like that moment was a life time ago. She has changed so much, grown up so much. She is no longer that "baby" that I see in those pictures. She has grown into this beautiful, smart little girl.

WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE?!?

Jayde just celebrated her THIRD birthday this past January. We threw her a birthday party this year, in which we invited family and friends to come and celebrate at her favorite park. She chose the theme, FROZEN, which is her current obsession. She had a great time, visiting with family and laughing and playing with her friends from school. It was a beautiful day, which was great, because it is usually pouring down rain on her birthday. The day was perfect. Just like her. 

She no longer goes to the at home daycare that she went to before (the one I had previously mentioned in my last post.) She FINALLY got into the Children's Center at my school. This is her second semester there and she absolutely loves it! She has great teachers, and has made tons of friends. I really do prefer this school out of all the daycares she has been to in the past. It is a play based school, which means that the children learn things through the natural activity of play. They always have such fun activities and learning experiences. I also am required to do "parent hours" a couple hours a week, which I wasn't too happy about at first (because lets be honest, I could be doing a million other things during that time.) But now that I have been doing it for a while, I really enjoy being able to watch Jayde play with her friends and see what kind of activities they engage in throughout the day. It has made me realize how important it is for a parent to participate in every aspect of their child's lives, even things such as volunteering at school. Also, being around younger children always makes my days better. I value how they appreciate the little, simple things in life. It reminds me that I need to start doing the same. I also like that she is always bringing art projects homes so that I can hang them on the refridgerator, and at the end of each semester the staff puts together a photo album of pictures for each child to give to their parents.

Jayde and her good friend Serenity after school on a rainy day

Since I have last written, Jayde has gone from a crib, to a toddler bed, to a twin sized bed. She could have probably stayed in her toddler bed for another year or so, but one day while we were shopping at Ikea she saw a loft bed (or as Jayde calls it, "latter bed") and fell in love. Honestly, Keith & I thought it was pretty cool too, since there would be space for her to play underneath the bed. For a while, we had problems with her coming into our bed in the middle of the night, so we told her that once she was able to actually sleep in her own bed, we would think about getting her one (because what's the point in getting a new bed if she doesn't sleep in the one she has already?) She is a determined little girl, and she is always working things out so she is able to get what she wants, and she quickly started sleeping in her bed. Lucky for her, at the time this happened, Christmas was right around the corner, and her Mimi and G-Daddy got her her own beautiful "latter bed" as a early Christmas present. Since then, she has been happily sleeping in her bed during the night and for her daily nap.

First night sleeping in her "latter bed"!

As I said before, Jayde is obsessed with the new Disney movie, Frozen. And when I say obsessed, that doesn't even begin to describe her love for it. She has seen it FIVE times in the movie theater, and relates almost every situation in her life to a scene from the movie, which means there are tons of times each day that "Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" and "Let It Go" get randomly sung word for word. At first I loved it and thought it was so cute that my daughter loved this movie so much (after all, it did get her out of the 2 year long Rapunzel obsession), and I sung along with her during each song. But now, after months of watching movie clips on YouTube, playing Ana/Elsa with her on a daily basis, and having to listen to the soundtrack during every second in the car, it is driving me a bit crazy. Don't get me wrong, I do think that it is a great movie. I just think the amount of Frozen in my life has gotten overboard. Sadly, this is just the beginning. The movie officially comes out on the 18th of this month, and we already have it pre-ordered (which means that I will have to now watch the movie on repeat when we are home.)

This past year has been great. I have had such an amazing time watching Jayde grow from a "baby" to a "little girl". It is so amazing that I can now actually hold a conversation with her since she now understands me and she can talk in full sentences. She is so loving, caring, smart, beautiful, silly, and the list just keeps going on and on and on….. Obviously I have SO many things that I could write about these past two years in this blog, but for now, I am just going to keep it short (well, kinda) and sweet.

TOMORROW I am starting a new journey on my 30 day gluten/wheat free diet! (and possibly make it a more permanent lifestyle if I feel it has a positive benefit on my body). Due to a few requests, I have decided to blog about my journey. I will be blogging on this page, so I can blog about the diet along with my "mommy" updates (since there has been TONS of people telling me that I need to start writing again).
Oh… and I will definitely be changing up my page layout as soon as I have the time.. Bottles, rubber ducks, and diapers. REALLY?!? Haha :)

Until next time!

Little Diva

It has taken me a while to write another post, yet again. A few nights ago Keith asked me, "when will you be writing another blog?" My response was, "what do you mean, I just wrote one!" But then, I looked and saw that my last blog was written about two months ago. Does time really fly by that fast? I suppose it does. I guess between working and chasing around a toddler all day, I haven't really had much time on my hands to sit down with my computer and write a blog, let alone anything. This is probably the first time I have even touched an actual keyboard in over 2 months, since I am usually just checking things on my phone on the go.

After 15 months of only "sometimes" napping, Jayde has finally discovered that taking an hour or two out of her day and resting isn't necessarily a bad thing. I am not saying that she doesn't fight it, because she for sure does. It takes her about 30 minutes of throwing a tantrum before she falls asleep. A tantrum involves: screaming, crying, kicking, and flopping around. Their are two reasons why she throws this fit. One, because she is tired. Two, because I am no longer allowing her to have any boob during the day. This means that I do not breastfeed her before her naps and she needs to fall asleep by herself! Since it is a big adjustment to not get any boob and to take a nap during the daytime, I compromise with her. She gets to take a nap in my bed, and I lay down with her before she goes to sleep and is throwing her tantrum. It is weird, because while she is crying she refuses to let me touch her. So I just sit there and watch her for the most part, trying to comfort her when I can. Eventually after screaming and flopping around for a while, she finds a "flop" that puts her in a comfortable position to sleep. Even though laying in bed watching her scream and yell is the longest 30 minutes of my day, it is worth it. I get at least an hour to myself to do whatever I want without having to worry about Jayde. This usually involves either dishes, laundry, or catching up on my DVRed shows. The good thing is that she is starting to get used to this routine. Every day she cries less and less, which hopefully means that she will eventually fall asleep with no struggle.

Nap time!!!

Jayde is only 16 months, and she already has an accessory obsession. Sunglasses, hats, purses, and most of all- SHOES. If she is already obsessed with these things, just imagine how much trouble I am going to be in when she is older! I can barley bring her shopping with me anymore. She runs straight to the accessory section and starts pulling all of the sunglasses of the rack to try them all on. Like I said, the worst is shoes. Every day she has to take all of her shoes out of her bin and spread them around the entire house. She now refuses to walk around without shoes, she must have them on at all times. The other day while I was changing her diaper, I took her shoes off so I was able to take off her pants easier. Bad idea, because she threw a fit! I immediately put them back on, and she was happy again. Today as I was laying down with Jayde for a nap, she brought her shoes over to me. I refused to put them on, because why would anyone in their mind wear shoes while sleeping? She sat their crying for about 5 minutes trying to put them on herself. She finally gave up, laid down, and fell asleep. With her shoes in her hands. Even though she does have some tom boy tendencies, she is also the ultimate girly girl. She even poses for the camera now and says "cheeeese" while doing her signature pose; the head tilt. She is such a little ham.

"The head tilt"

Rockin' the sunglasses

Napping with her shoes.

People always say that the newborn stage is so hard. My daughter is now almost 16 months, I sometimes wish I could go back to those days. In those times, babies cry for a purpose; because their hungry, dirty, cold, hot, etc. Those things were usually easy to fix. Now, their is a new reason to throw a "the world is ending" fit, and that is because of the word "no". A lot of the times, it will just be a quick "no", she will cry for a minute, and then the situation will be over with. Other times, I will say "no", and then she will throw the world's biggest fit for who knows how long. When these moments happen, I realize that the "terrible twos" are approaching a lot quicker than I had anticipated. I was in the store the other day, waiting in line to pay for some items. Jayde kept trying to wander off, so I grabbed her arm and told her to stay next to me. You would think that this wouldn't be too much to ask, but to Jayde it was the worst thing ever. She literally fell onto the floor on her back and started screaming. What did I do about it? I let her lay their and cry. Picking her up and trying to calm her down wasn't going to work, and I sure in hell wasn't going to just give into her wants and just let her wander away from me. Was I embarrassed? No. The people who were ahead of me in line let me go ahead of them. Whether it was because they were understanding or annoyed, who cares?

Tantrum time!

I feel like ever since Jayde had started attending Daycare, she is constantly sick. Over the last month, I estimate that she has been sick about 3 times. I know that this is considered normal because she is around other kids and new germs, but holy shit! I was not prepared for me to be taking care of a sick baby all the time! Last week was the worst! She had an on/off temperature of 103 degrees and wasn't feeling well at all. With every day, she seemed to be getting worse and worse. She started having diarrhea, not taking any food or liquids, and started being really lethargic. It was scary. I got even more worried when I called the advise nurse, they were really concerned about her hydration. They told me that she was really close to being dehydrated and that I needed to get liquids in her. After I got off the phone, I went to the store and bought every juice and Popsicle possible. She didn't want anything to do with any of it. So, Keith and I ended up having to shoot Pedialite down her throat with a syringe to ensure that she had some liquids before putting her to bed. The next day the doctors office called me and wanted to make an appointment for Jayde to come in, just to make sure everything was fine. When we got there, they checked her out and couldn't find any obvious signs of what was causing her to be so sick. The doctor took a culture of her throat, and also taped a bag to her "girl parts" to get a urine sample. All the tests ended up coming back fine, which meant that we still didn't have any explanations. The doctor told us that it was probably just a virus, and that we NEEDED to make sure Jayde was getting fluids.  Her exact words were: "I don't care if she eats ice cream all day. If that is the only way she will take fluids, let her. We need to make sure she is hydrated, and then we will worry about her diet when she is better". So, that is what we did. She had lots of Jamba Juice and watermelon that day. Two days later, we found out that Jayde had a virus called Roseola. It is a common viral infection that affects young children. The virus presents itself as a high, sudden fever lasting about 3-5 days. After becoming sick, the fever drops and a rash appears on the body. That is exactly what happened to Jayde. She had tiny red bumps on her stomach, back, and arms.The bumps only lasted for about 2 days, and they didn't seem to itch. I am happy to say that Jayde is now fully recovered, and back to being the happy girl that I love and adore. Until today, when I noticed that her nose was running. She better not be getting sick, AGAIN!

Poor baby wasn't feeling well :(

Jayde and I cuddling on the couch while she was sick.

Even thought your suppose to wait until babies turn 2 years old to have them forward facing in the car, Keith and I decided to turn her around earlier. She was getting way too squished facing backwards. Her legs were bent at odd angles and she seemed to be uncomfortable. I know that I'm about to get tons of criticism and  remarks telling me "I'm a bad mom", but I know what's best for my child. Car rides are so much more exciting now that she is facing forward, for all of us. She feels like she is part of the conversation, and we all sit there and talk, laugh, dance, and sing. She is currently obsessed with this band called the "Fresh Beat Band". Keith and I bought the CD for the car, and she goes crazy when she hears us turn it on. The sad part is that Keith and I now know all of the words. It had even gotten so bad that I don't realize I am listening to it while Jayde is in the car. I guess things could be worse, like Keith I and I taking her to see them live in concert. Oh wait, we are already considering doing that in November. Shit!

First time facing forward in the car!

Jayde singing in the car to the Fresh Beat Band.

Car ride!

I know I always say this, but I am so happy of the little girl Jayde has become. She is so smart, happy, and has the cutest little personality. I feel so blessed to have such an amazing daughter.

Jayde's Breast Friend

Lately, I have been getting a lot of questions about breast feeding. The main one being, "now that Jayde is one, are you going to stop breast feeding her?" I wish I could answer the question with a simple yes or no, but it isn't that easy. Therefore, I am dedicating this entire blog post to the wonderful world of breast feeding. If that is something you are not interested in, I recommend you stop reading now. Also note that I will be holding nothing back, so if you are grossed out by boob or nipple talk, stop reading now.

As you all know, breast feeding was extremely hard for me in the beginning. My nipples were sore, cracked, and bleeding and my boobs were so engorged with milk that I barley had a nipple for Jayde to even latch on to. I remember the day of Jayde's 2 day check up, I was so eager to go because I couldn't get her to latch on to my boobs because they were in such bad shape. I was sitting in the bedroom crying all morning before her appointment because I felt as if I was useless. I couldn't even feed my own daughter for god sake! I was able to feed her at the appointment with the help of a lactation consultant, but afterwards things went back to hellish ways they were before. Every time I knew I had to feed Jayde I would immediately start crying because I knew the excruciating pain I was about to be in. Days went by, and nothing was getting better. I was so depressed and spent most of the days crying in bed. This was suppose to be a natural thing, and the thing that was the best for my daughter and me. Why couldn't I do it? There were so many opportunities for me to give up, but I pushed through everything that was thrown my way. I finally found a lactation consultant who didn't just tell me that my nipples looked horrible and that my latch needed to be worked on. I found an incredible lady who helped correct my latch. No joke, a week later, my boobs and nipples were doing so much better. If it wasn't for her, I don't think that I could say that I still breast feed my daughter to this day.

From the day my daughter was born I was determined to breast feed her for an entire year, since that is what is recommended by the American Pediatrics. Even though this was set inside my brain, I couldn't wait until the day I didn't have to breast feed anymore. When Jayde was younger I felt as if I was tied down by having to always be there to feed her, since I despised pumping. I felt like I was missing out on all these things! Even when I could go out, I had no energy to do anything. Breast feeding sometimes seems to literally suck the life out of you! Your baby is, after all, getting all of their nutrients from your body. When I did go out, I also had to keep track of every alcoholic drink I had and  had to calculate the hours until I could feed her again. It just seemed like such a hassle. My daughter had the appetite of a grown person and I never knew when she was going to be hungry. There was a point were I was literally counting down the days until my freedom.

As the one year mark came up, I got confused. Before I had been so excited for a year to come so that I could stop, but now I didn't feel the need to. First off, it has become so easy. I could literally just take out my boob and Jayde would be able to position and latch herself if she needed to. It has become second nature to me and apart of my life! Secondly, I don't really want to stop right now. I wish I could sit here and explain in depth about why I wish to continue, but I can't. I think the best way to describe it is that it is the one thing that only I am able to give Jayde. Now that she is 13 months, she is so independent and running around doing things on her own. But during feedings, there is still those times where we just sit down and relax and enjoy each others company. I have a special bond with Jayde because of breast feeding, and no one else ever had and never will be able to spend moments like those with her but me. I don't think I am ready to give that up yet. The third reason I am not currently stopping is because Jayde enjoys it so much. I do understand that she has to grow up and that she does eventually have to stop, but why take it away now when she still wants it? 

When Jayde turned a year old, I did get the feeling as if I did have to force her to stop. I tried weaning her, and it was just too hard for the time being. My plan was this: to only have her feed in the morning when she wakes up and at night (which she already does on most days), and then take away the morning feedings, and then eventually take away the night feeding. That plan isn't going too well. I still feed her every morning and night, and on some days she will want a feeding in the middle of the day to help her fall asleep. It got frustrating because I would go a week with only feeding her in the morning/night, and then all the sudden she would want to feed in the middle of the day for a couple days. I would try and not feed her, but then she got SO upset that I eventually gave into it. I couldn't torture her like that when the solution for her to stop crying was so simple. Basically, with weaning, it has been a "one step forward and two steps back" sort of thing. It's hard! 

To answer everyone's question, "when do you plan on stopping?" the answer is I DON'T KNOW. In my mind, I would like to have her weaned off by 18 months. Two years old at the latest! I don't have a date set in stone and I am kind of hoping that she eventually decides to give it up on her own without me having to force anything away. The one thing I do promise, is that I will not be on of those ladies at the park with a 6 year old daughter who runs up to me and pulls down my shirt to feed.

After all of that said, I want to give a special "thank you" to my family and friends who have supported me through out this journey. If it wasn't for all your love, support, and encouragement, I probably would have given up breast feeding in the very beginning. And also, an EXTRA special "thank you" to my boyfriend; the one who had to deal with all my mood swings first hand and helped me find the support I needed to be the best mom I could be. Jayde and I are lucky to have all of you wonderful people in our lives. We love you!

This made me smile.

The Plague

Almost two weeks ago, Jayde started catching a cold. We knew that she had most likely caught it from daycare because, well, daycare's are filled with other germ infested children. I always hate when Jayde is sick for many reason. The main reason, other than she is incredibly crabby, being that it is so sad seeing her so miserable. She doesn't know why she is feeling so horrible and she doesn't know how to take care of herself (i.e: blow her nose, make sure she drinks fluids, etc.) Because of this, I have always said that I prefer me to be sick instead of her. Well, I ended up getting sick too. Let me just say that both of us being sick is not okay. She was crabby, I was crabby, and poor Keith ended up having to take care of us both. Eventually, Keith got sick as well. We are all sick and suffering a sore throat, runny nose, and a cough. Oh, and of course, I have the pleasure of getting laryngitis and sounding like a man.

We ended up taking Jayde to the doctors last Monday because I was worried about one of her eyes. She had this weird goop stuff coming out of it that I had never seen before. After her pediatrician examined her, Jayde had pink eye and an ear infection in her left ear on top of her cold. No wonder she had been in such a crappy mood. We got a prescription for amoxicillin, which was suppose to clear up both infections. At the end of the week, her eye seemed to be a lot better. However, she had developed a really bad cough. This past Sunday, my mom watched Jayde over night for us so Keith and I could go to a friend's wedding. The next morning my mom called me at about 6:00. I'm not going to lie, I was a little upset because I was planning on sleeping in late that day! But, my mom was really worried about Jayde. She had a horrible cough and had been up whining all night while pulling on her ear. My mom told me that she thought I should come get Jayde because it was obvious she wasn't feeling well and just wanted to be with her mommy. She also told me that I should make her another doctors appointment to get her cough checked. I was worried, so even though I was tired, I hopped out of bed and rushed over to pick her up. On the way over, I called the doctors office to make an appointment for her later that day. Thank god they had something available, because when I got to my moms, Jayde was miserable! When we went to the doctors later, we discovered that Jayde still had her ear infection and that her medication was not working despite the fact that it did clear her pink eye. He prescribed us another medication, and then took a look at her chest. Before looking he said, "let's hope her chest sounds good, all the other children I've looked at today have had either bronchitis or pneumonia." Keith and I looked at each other in fear. Could she really be THAT sick? Luckily, no. The doctor said she had the best lungs that he had heard in a while. So other than her ear infection she still had, she was just sick. Hopefully she will be better sooner then later.

My mom and sister with Jayde at Pixieland while they where watching her.

Usually, at my previous jobs, my boss encourages me to come in and work through my cold. Because at my current job I work with new moms and newborns, I felt that I needed to consult my boss about whether or not I was able to go to work last Monday. She told me to stay home and not come back until I was no longer infectious, so that is what I did. I thought I would for sure be better by Wednesday and Thursday after getting a few days of good rest, but I didn't. If anything, I felt even more sick than before. After thinking about what my boss said about not returning until I wasn't "infectious," I talked to her again. Maybe I could come back to work since I was no longer contagious? No. I couldn't return to work until there was no sign of me being sick. I ended up having to stay home both Wednesday and Thursday too. It sucked. I had just started at that job and was already having to take sick days. Every time I had to talk to her to tell her that I wasn't able to come in because I was still sick, I thought for sure I was going to get fired. It also sucked because I wasn't going to be getting paid for that whole week! Good thing I told my boss that I wouldn't be returning to work on Thursday the night before, because I woke up with pink eye on Thursday morning. How kind of Jayde to give me both her cold and pink eye, right? I ended up returning back to work yesterday, and even though I am not feeling 100%, I act as if I am feeling as good as new. I make sure I take some medicine before work to make the little bit of cough and sniffle I have left, and manage to get through the day. I cannot miss anymore work! I refuse to miss anymore work! 

Keith and I spending some time together without the baby at the wedding last weekend.

Holy crap, being a parent of a newly walking baby is exhausting. The main thing that is the most draining is going shopping with her. Since she doesn't need someone pushing or carrying her around anymore, she gets tired of sitting in the cart quickly. Watching her walk around in the store is cute, until she starts to pull everything off the shelf. You have to keep a very good eye on her or else she will destroy the whole store! Eventually she will try and wander away, which at first isn't intentional. Once she realizes that someone comes chasing after her when she walks away, she thinks it is a game. She will run away and then turn around to look at you. When she sees that you are coming to get her, she will run away from you while laughing. That is the point where things become irritating. A lot of the times if it is a long shopping trip, Keith and I have no choice but to let her walk around. She usually gets antsy at some point and is way too heavy to carry for a long period of time. This usually ends up being a mistake, because once we are tired of her games, we can't just throw her back in the cart. She refuses! 

The worst shopping experience I have had is when I went clothes shopping by myself. They wouldn't allow me to bring the cart into the fitting room, which was irritating, so I had to take her out of the cart. I was probably able to try on one shirt. She would try and crawl under the fitting room door to get out of the room while I was try things on. Then, she would peak under other people's doors to say hi to them. I eventually just gave up and left the store. Never again will I go clothes shopping alone! I know that Jayde is just trying to explore and learn, but shopping with her is a work out! I am dripping with sweat from running around by the time I leave the store!

I have worked so hard since the day Jayde had started eating to insure she would be a healthy eater. Unfortunately, that has not helped in not making her a picky eater. This is probably because now that she is older, she has been introduced to delicious foods like grilled cheese and spaghetti. What is interesting is some days she doesn't mind eating broccoli, but other days you cannot get her to put it in her mouth even if your life depended on it. Because of this, I can get frustrated during meal time. One night I made her and the family chicken, asparagus and rice for dinner. She wouldn't eat anything. I don't understand why, because she loves all of those things. It was just that night, she wasn't feeling it. She sat in her chair whining for food, even though she had a plate of delicious food in front of her. So, I had to get something else for her to eat. I can't wait until she understands the whole, "eat your dinner or you don't get anything." At that point, she gets what she gets. But until then, I will have to put up with her mood swings and make sure she gets food in her belly.

I am also getting a little worried because she is more into the foods she shouldn't be eating, like sweets. I mean, what kid wouldn't, right? I think I'm just worried because I'm starting to give into those wants of hers. I realized today that every day I am feeding her less and less vegetables just because it is easier to give her fruit. I have also realized that because of this, she is probably missing out on a lot of great nutrients that she needs to grow properly. So, I have made a promise to myself. Even if I have to get creative in how she eats it, I will give her the food she needs. I cannot allow her to dictate her meals because she is too young to know what is good for her. 

It's about damn time..

It has been almost 2 months since I have written a blog, things have been a little bit hectic lately. Also, I have been having somewhat of a writers block. I have so many things to say, but my mind is going 100mph with all of the things going on in my life. I had started a few blogs, but then I never got around to finishing them. Tonight, I am determined to do this once an for all (Or, maybe within the next week or so.) So prepare yourself for lots and lots of reading, because these last 2 months have been INSANE!

Playing with her new toys after very first birthday party.

First off, I want to start off by saying that I cannot believe Jayde is already ONE! I hate using the expression, "time flies," but it really has! I feel as though one thing came after another so quickly. I can still remember the feeling I got when I saw her smile and heard her laugh for the very first time. I still get the feeling of excitement when I think about her learning to rolling over, sit, and crawl. All the feelings I have are so overwhelming and confusing. When I see a newborn baby I can't even begin to imagine that Jayde was one THAT small, and it does give me a sense of sadness. But, at the same time, I am excited for all of the things that have yet to come. Regardless of this bittersweet feeling that I sometimes have, I am so proud of her for all of the things that she has accomplished within the last year and for the beautiful little girl that she has become. Even though Jayde is not longer a "baby" by definition, she will always be MY baby girl.

A picture to remember my very first hours with Jayde.

Of course with age, comes more mischief. The other morning I went into the bedroom to grab a sweatshirt. When I walked back out into the living room, I heard Jayde run out of the bathroom when she heard me coming as if she was getting into trouble. When I looked into the bathroom I didn't see any toilet paper unravled on the ground or anything, so I thought maybe I was just being delusional. I went back to bed since to get some more sleep since Keith had decided that he would get up with Jayde. About an hour later, I heard Keith laughing in the bathroom. When I asked him what he had been laughing at, he told me that the remote was in the toilet. We were both standing there cracking up for three reasons. One, because Keith had been looking for the remote all morning and had been getting mad at himself because he knew that he was the last one using it. Two, because Jayde did do something earlier in the morning and had gotten away with it. Three, because before Keith realized that it was the remote in the toilet, he thought it was me not flushing my poop.

I am no longer a stay at home mommy, and am now officially a "working mom." I was able to get a part time job at one of my favorite places in the whole entire world, the Day One Center. For those of you who do not know what this place is or don't remember me mentioning it in my previous blogs, it is a center that helps new and expecting parents through pregnancy and the babies first year. I told myself that when Jayde turned one I was going to go back to work, but I had no idea that I was literally going to be starting the week after her birthday. I only work part time, which for me is 3 days a week. It works out perfectly because I am able to still spend a lot of time with Jayde while being able to get a break a few times a week. Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter! But, being with anyone 24/7 can get exhausting and irritating at times. Since I did go to the center so often, it was a little weird working there at first. I walked in there on the first day and was going to work instead of going in there to get support. It was also kind of weird to think that all of my co-workers know all of the issues that I had with Jayde since they were the ones who helped me through it. The "weirdness" of working there faded away shortly, and I am happy to say that I like my job for the most part.

Me having a job means that Jayde has to go to daycare. Choosing a daycare for her has been one of the toughest decisions ever. Keith and I looked through dozens of places to try and find the perfect fit for her. At first, we were looking at mainstream places like Kinder Care. I didn't feel comfortable bringing Jayde to an at home daycare or leaving her with a nanny, so I refused to look at those places at first. Let me tell you, daycare is ridiculously expensive! Most places we looked at where about $187 a week for only two days! Keith and I thought Kinder Care was Jayde's best option at that point because we loved how they let them play but then they also have curriculum to follow so that they learn. We were pretty much set on them, filled out all of the paper work, but then something didn't feel right. It was at that point that I decided to look at a few of the at home daycares for the hell of it. I had a lot of people tell me that it was important for a child that is as young as Jayde to not be too overwhelmed. She is, after all, still a baby and does need a lot of attention. I had some people who where recommended to me by a few parents, so I set up appointments to check them out. Daycares at people's houses are always so weird to me. I don't like them for a couple reasons. The main reason is because most women who have an at home daycare usually have their own kid(s) who also attend the daycare. Obviously, there is going to be a huge favoritism issue. Who wouldn't pick their kids over other children? Another reason is because I think the whole daycare in your house situation is weird. People live there, but then they have all this shit all over their house for their daycare children. People paint characters on their houses and put posters of the ABCs on their living room walls, it's honestly kind of creepy. Even though I am extremely picky and anal, I found a lady that I really like! Why do I like her? Well, she doesn't have any kids (well, she has kids, but they are all older) and she turned her garage into a daycare so it is separate from her living space. I also like the fact that she provides a variety of nutritious food (including some authentic Persian food, which is a plus) AND that her daycare is a lot cheaper than any mainstream one. She is a sweet, older Persian lady and she loves all of her daycare kids as if they where her own children. What I also like, is she e-mails me fun pictures of Jayde while shes at daycare :)

Jayde playing at daycare

Dropping your child off at daycare for the first time is probably one of the most traumatic things ever. I knew it was going to be hard, but I was no where near prepared for how hard it actually was. Basically, Jayde was screaming and crying while reaching out for me and I had no choice but to just walk out. I had to go to work, so I had to leave her there. I was able to control my breathing and hold back my tears, until I got to my car. Once I sat down and closed the door, I immediately started balling. I was freaking out! I ended up driving to work and calling her before I went in. She told me that Jayde had calmed down but she refused to be set down, which is pretty much what I had expected. At work I couldn't stop thinking the worse. I had this image in my head of Jayde screaming for me and being neglected. As soon as my lunch rolled around, I called to check on her immediately. When she told me what Jayde was doing, I was completely speechless. "She's sleeping." Wait, what? Sleeping? As in... she's taking a nap? Ok, what the fuck? My daughter refuses to take a nap at home with me, but she takes a nap on her first day at daycare? Even though I was dumbfounded, I was actually relived to hear that Jayde was comfortable enough to be able to nap there. I went back to work, and was able to get through the rest of the day without having to call and check up on her. At 5:00pm, I knew my mom had picked Jayde up so I called her to see how she was. My mom told me that she was actually crying when she came to pick her up, she didn't want to leave! I was so happy to know that I picked the right daycare. The next day, I went to drop her off and she was excited to be there. She ran off and started playing, and I walked out without hearing the slightest cry. I went to work, and called to check on Jayde once around the same time as I did the previous day. She was sleeping again, what a surprise. That night when I got home and saw Jayde I started crying. When I saw her I realized that I had been away from her the last two days, which has never happened before. I felt as if I had missed so much, even though I probably didn't. I also started having these weird thoughts. She was having such a good time at her new daycare, what if she liked this lady more than she liked me?

Playing outside at daycare

I dropped Jayde off at daycare again the next week. Since she only goes on Wednesdays and Thursdays, there is a big 5 day gap of her not going. While driving there I was kind of anxious to see if  she was going to remember the daycare providor or not. Well, she didn't recognize her. I had to go through the whole screaming/crying fit again.  It was still devastating, but it was easier to walk out this time knowing that I knew she was in good hands. Even though she was sad to see me leave, I didn't feel obligated to call at all while I was at work to check up on her. I mean, if she wasn't happy there was nothing I could really do about it anyways, right? And, if something was seriously wrong, then her daycare provider would for sure call me. The next day, on Thursday, I dropped her off without having a problem since she remembered being there the previous day. I just really hope that she eventually becomes familiar with her surroundings and I don't have to deal with her throwing a fits at the beginning of every week.

Jayde has grown up SO much within the last month, both physically and mentally. Here are some of the new/exciting/cute things she has been doing:

-My most favorite thing: Jayde has learned to give kisses. They are opened mouthed and all slobbery, but I love them. She even makes a "mmmm" sounds when she leans in, which adds an extra point for cuteness.

Kisses for mommy!

-I am so excited to announce that my baby girl is officially a walker! She does still need a lot of practice, but she is now walking about 90% of the time while only crawling a little bit. It did take her a while to figure out how to stand up by herself, but she has now gotten pretty good at it. I am not saying she is a walking pro. She does still fall a lot and needs to work on balance, but she is a long way from her "first steps." She started taking her first steps about 2 weeks before her birthday, and started walking more consistently around her actual birthday. It has been really exciting to see how proud she is of her accomplishment, and I don't think she has any idea how proud I am of her. It's still weird to me to see this little person running around the house, and I think it will take a while to get used to! Here's a video of Jayde when she first started walking:

- I feel like Jayde's vocabulary has greatly matured. When she "babbles," it seems to be more meaningful as if she is actually trying to have a conversation. Her main words so far are: "mama", "dada", "ya!", "nana" (banana), "oh man!" (when she falls), "ball", "papa" (for Grandpa), "boo bee" (boobie, when she's hungry. HA!) "pet" (when she is petting an animal), and her most favorite word, "hi!" When I say that "hi" is her most favorite word, I mean her MOST FAVORITE. She says "hi" to every single person or animal that walks by, including her own reflection. I will be walking through the grocery store and I will hear Jayde sitting in the cart looking around, "hi, hi, HI!!!!!!!"

-Jayde has started to be helping in putting things back where they came from. I'm not saying she is this neat child who cleans up after herself all the time, but she is trying to put in some effort. The other week I was folding Jayde's clean laundry to put it away, and after everything was put away I realize that there were all these single socks with no matching pair. Frustrated, I decided to put the single socks in her sock drawer. I figured that I would most likely eventually find the other one. When I opened her sock drawer, I saw all of these socks thrown inside. Yes, they where the socks that where missing. I then realized that Jayde had put the socks in her sock drawer because she was trying to help me put her clothes away. It was so cute, I just about cried. Even though she will make a mess and pull out all of her pants out of her dresser or all of the DVDs off the shelf, she usually tries to put them back. Of course they aren't neatly folded and stacked as they where before, but it's the thought that counts. Right?

-Jayde also "helps" clean. She will take a paper towel and start wiping down tables and what not, my mom and I think it's funny to watch. Apparently she does this at her daycare too, because the other day her provider mentioned it when Keith picked her up. "She is so smart and so cute. Today the kids were cleaning up, and she picked up a towel and started wiping everything down."

A picture Jayde's daycare provider e-mailed me of her "cleaning."

This New Years was an interesting one. I went through somewhat of an identity crisis. I spent most of the day before New Years eve balling my eyes out. I do admit that I may have been somewhat of a baby, but at the same time my feelings where hurt. The last couple of months have been a little bit hard for me dealing with my friendships with people. First of all, I feel as if I'm always the one putting in all the effort in the relationships that I have with my friends. I'm always the one text messaging and asking how they're doing and asking if they want to get a bite to eat so that we can catch up. Barley ever does anyone, except for a select few, text me and whats going on in my life. Second of all, when I do have plans, things always fall through. I have seriously been flaked on weekly this last past month and it has been hard on me. I understand that going out isn't a big deal to people because they always have chances to go out and they don't have the time restrictions like I do. But to me, when I make plans I am excited. I rarely ever get out of the house! To be that excited and then to be flaked on at the last minute is devastating! After all of this has been going on, New Years came along. After reading and hearing about everyone's big plans, I realized that I didn't have any. The fact that I didn't have plans didn't bother me too much. What did bother me is that nobody had even asked me what I was doing for the New Year or even thought about including me in their plans.

I know that you are reading this and thinking to yourself, "what's the big deal?" I understand that one day I will probably look back and laugh at myself for making a big deal out of all of this. But, from going to the girl who got invited to every party to the girl who didn't get invited to anything is a big change for me. I did expect for my social life to decrease when becoming a mom, but never in my life did I expect some of my friends to turn their backs on me. For the longest time I sat here and told myself that I didn't care, but I really do. After my mini break down and being able to think things over, I realize that people probably aren't pushing me away intentionally. I do realize that maybe my crumbling friendships could be partly my fault. I know that when Jayde was first born, I did pull away from the world for a few months. There were many texts that I didn't respond to and many calls I didn't answer because I was so busy and overwhelmed with the new addition in my life. For the longest time I would feel guilty or get anxiety at the thought of even leaving the house for just 20 minutes. But now that Jayde is older and doesn't depend on me nearly as much as she did months ago, I am able to be more social. I do understand that 99% of my friends don't know what it's like to go through the journey of having a baby, and maybe they are upset at the times I didn't text them back when I was consumed in taking care of my daughter. I also understand that maybe my friends aren't eager to invite me to places because they assume that all my time is still dedicated to my daughter and my boyfriend. Yes, I am in a committed relationship and I have a kid. Yes, I do have a lot more responsibilities and I did have to mature a lot within the last year. But, I am still the same Michelle as I was before. Just because I have obligations, doesn't mean that I'm still not young. Although being a mom is my number one priority, I am still entitled to have fun. I have now realized that having fun does not make me a bad mother or a bad girlfriend, and I hope others are able to realize that too.. I don't want to live my life under a rock. I want to be able to enjoy my life as a mother and a young adult.

Super-Mom

"Oh, so you don't work? What do you do all day?"

The answer to that question is EVERYTHING. Just because I'm a stay at home mom, people get the impression that I sit at home all day and paint my toenails while watching TV. Let me tell you... I have seasons of shows DVRed on my TV that I haven't even watched yet and it's been months since I've painted my nails. Do you know what it means to be a mom? I cook three meals a day everyday, I do loads of laundry what seems like every day a week, and I clean up the same mess over and over again 20 times a day. I play with my daughter, read to her, change her diaper when needed, breast feed her, kiss her boo boos when she falls and hurts herself, and bathe her. At all times of the day she is with me, we are basically attached at the hip. For every good day, there is a bad. My happy girl can turn into a monster within minutes. My job is 24/7, seven days a week. Even when she is sleeping I am always on call, always keeping an ear out for her to wake up. If she does wake up, I'm automatically at "work" again, no matter how late at night it is. When I was pregnant, the moment I decided to keep her was the moment I made one of the biggest commitments. My job as a mother is for LIFE. No sick days, and no walking away because I'm fed up. I do all of these things and I don't get paid. Can you say any of this about any job you have ever had? I don't think so.

While pregnant, I was committed to going to school. My due date was January 22nd, which was also the first day of the spring semester. I was enrolled in 4 classes. Crazy? Well, In my mind I was going to do it. It wasn't until Jayde was born on January 18th and after my first day of class that I realized that maybe I expected too much out of myself. I ended up dropping out that semester and was "for sure" going to go back in the fall. Fall semester came, and I couldn't go. I couldn't leave my daughter. I didn't want to put her in daycare that young. I didn't want to miss her first year and her first word or first steps. That is when Keith and I made the decision that I would take an entire year off school to raise Jayde. The first year, in my mind, is the absolute most important. I couldn't miss out on anything. If I did, I would be heart broken.

It is now December and Jayde will be turning a year old next month. As promised, I am going back to school starting January 23rd. After being home for a year and being able to have all of these special moments with my daughter, I can honestly say that I am ready. I know that it will be hard for both Jayde and I to be away from each other after spending all of this time together, but I know it is best for both of us. I think that when Jayde turns one, it will be important for her to be in daycare. She will need to meet new friends and learn how to be social, which is something that she wouldn't be able to learn at home with me. I need to finish school. After much thought between getting my medical assistant certificate and becoming a certified RN, I have decided to study to become a RN. It will take longer and it will most definitely be harder, but it will benefit both me and my family in the long run.  Now that I have a daughter, someone who depends on me, I am more determined than ever.

I am exhausted. When people ask, "do things get easier once they're older," I sometimes don't know how to answer the question. It really depends what you think is easier. Yes, now that Jayde is older she doesn't cry and nurse as much. However, her being older does mean that my house is completely destroyed by the end of the day. For every exhausting thing a baby gives up as they get older, there is something new that they throw at you to balance everything out. I can't fold laundry without her grabbing every folded shirt and throwing it on the ground. I can't even walk into the bathroom to go pee without her wanting to follow me in. Don't get me wrong, I love that Jayde is crawling and so active. It's just that sometimes I wish she would sit in one place for just 5 minutes while I finish doing something. The sleepless nights do get better with age, but they never completely disappear. Now instead of staying up to taking care of a baby, I stay up to clean all the messes in my house that have accumulated that day. As weird as it may be, sometimes I am happy that I had my daughter while I was young. I can't imagine being older and having a kid. I think I would die of exhaustion!

Obviously, Jayde isn't the best helper when it comes to putting away clean laundry.

"Mommy, your telling me that you didn't want me to pull this out of the cabinet?"

Jayde hasn't been the happiest baby these past few days. I have finally figured out why: she is teething again! Waterfalls of spit is spilling out of her mouth and she is only satisfied when biting on something. I am pretty sure her top teeth are coming in now and I can only hope that they break through sooner than later. Teething is probably the worst thing I have had to deal with. I have actually heard that if we where to get our teeth in as adults, we wouldn't be able to handle the pain. I feel bad for Jayde, because I can't even begin to imagine what she is going through. The only thing I am able to do is try and help her by giving her teething tablets, frozen fruit, and being here to comfort her when she cries. Don't worry baby girl, there is always a rainbow after a storm!! Other than teething and getting into mischief, Jayde has been Jayde; my beautiful, happy, smiley girl.

It amazes me to think about how much Jayde trusts me. I could throw her into the air, and it would be no question to her that I would catch her. The thought of me possibly dropping her doesn't even cross her mind, not for one second. From day one I have always taken the best care of her. I have caught her just before she hit her head on a sharp corner and have dove to grab her just in time before she was about to put herself in danger. To her, I am super human. I can take care of her every need, no matter what it may be. Hell, she probably thinks that I can walk on water.  Having this innocent child see me as god-like somehow makes me feel like I have true purpose. At the same time, it is also scary. I am not always going to be there to catch her when she falls and not always going to be able to save her from danger. One day, she will find out that I'm not super woman and that there are a lot of people that aren't worth trusting in this world. Hopefully, even when she is older, she will know that I will always be here for her and that she can always trust me.


"So, when are you two getting married," has been the number one most popular question since Keith and I had told people that we were expecting. The answer: I DON'T KNOW. I don't say this because I don't see myself with him or because I don't love him. I say this because, well, don't you think we have enough on our plate right now? First off, Keith and I weren't dating for too long before I found out I was pregnant. I met Keith in July of 2009, we started dating in October of 2009, we became "official" in May of 2010, and then about two months after that I discovered was pregnant. I moved in with him in October of 2010, which was a huge transition for both of us. I had never lived with a boyfriend and Keith had been living happily by himself for many years. Then, three months after that, we welcomed our little princess into the world.  We are still transitioning into parenthood AND living together. I don't want the reason for me to marry someone to be because I had a child with them. I want the reason to be because I am completely in love with them. I know that in our society your suppose to me married BEFORE having kids, but for all of you who know Keith and me know that we are not your average couple. Maybe we are doing things backwards. Maybe we are living in "sin" in some people's eyes. But, I am completely happy right now. Honestly, I think having a baby together has been a true test for us as a couple. People are married for YEARS and get divorced after they have children because it is so hard on their relationship. I think that if Keith and I can get through this first year raising Jayde, that we can get through absolutely ANYTHING.

Keith and me on Thanksgiving.