Super-Mom

"Oh, so you don't work? What do you do all day?"

The answer to that question is EVERYTHING. Just because I'm a stay at home mom, people get the impression that I sit at home all day and paint my toenails while watching TV. Let me tell you... I have seasons of shows DVRed on my TV that I haven't even watched yet and it's been months since I've painted my nails. Do you know what it means to be a mom? I cook three meals a day everyday, I do loads of laundry what seems like every day a week, and I clean up the same mess over and over again 20 times a day. I play with my daughter, read to her, change her diaper when needed, breast feed her, kiss her boo boos when she falls and hurts herself, and bathe her. At all times of the day she is with me, we are basically attached at the hip. For every good day, there is a bad. My happy girl can turn into a monster within minutes. My job is 24/7, seven days a week. Even when she is sleeping I am always on call, always keeping an ear out for her to wake up. If she does wake up, I'm automatically at "work" again, no matter how late at night it is. When I was pregnant, the moment I decided to keep her was the moment I made one of the biggest commitments. My job as a mother is for LIFE. No sick days, and no walking away because I'm fed up. I do all of these things and I don't get paid. Can you say any of this about any job you have ever had? I don't think so.

While pregnant, I was committed to going to school. My due date was January 22nd, which was also the first day of the spring semester. I was enrolled in 4 classes. Crazy? Well, In my mind I was going to do it. It wasn't until Jayde was born on January 18th and after my first day of class that I realized that maybe I expected too much out of myself. I ended up dropping out that semester and was "for sure" going to go back in the fall. Fall semester came, and I couldn't go. I couldn't leave my daughter. I didn't want to put her in daycare that young. I didn't want to miss her first year and her first word or first steps. That is when Keith and I made the decision that I would take an entire year off school to raise Jayde. The first year, in my mind, is the absolute most important. I couldn't miss out on anything. If I did, I would be heart broken.

It is now December and Jayde will be turning a year old next month. As promised, I am going back to school starting January 23rd. After being home for a year and being able to have all of these special moments with my daughter, I can honestly say that I am ready. I know that it will be hard for both Jayde and I to be away from each other after spending all of this time together, but I know it is best for both of us. I think that when Jayde turns one, it will be important for her to be in daycare. She will need to meet new friends and learn how to be social, which is something that she wouldn't be able to learn at home with me. I need to finish school. After much thought between getting my medical assistant certificate and becoming a certified RN, I have decided to study to become a RN. It will take longer and it will most definitely be harder, but it will benefit both me and my family in the long run.  Now that I have a daughter, someone who depends on me, I am more determined than ever.

I am exhausted. When people ask, "do things get easier once they're older," I sometimes don't know how to answer the question. It really depends what you think is easier. Yes, now that Jayde is older she doesn't cry and nurse as much. However, her being older does mean that my house is completely destroyed by the end of the day. For every exhausting thing a baby gives up as they get older, there is something new that they throw at you to balance everything out. I can't fold laundry without her grabbing every folded shirt and throwing it on the ground. I can't even walk into the bathroom to go pee without her wanting to follow me in. Don't get me wrong, I love that Jayde is crawling and so active. It's just that sometimes I wish she would sit in one place for just 5 minutes while I finish doing something. The sleepless nights do get better with age, but they never completely disappear. Now instead of staying up to taking care of a baby, I stay up to clean all the messes in my house that have accumulated that day. As weird as it may be, sometimes I am happy that I had my daughter while I was young. I can't imagine being older and having a kid. I think I would die of exhaustion!

Obviously, Jayde isn't the best helper when it comes to putting away clean laundry.

"Mommy, your telling me that you didn't want me to pull this out of the cabinet?"

Jayde hasn't been the happiest baby these past few days. I have finally figured out why: she is teething again! Waterfalls of spit is spilling out of her mouth and she is only satisfied when biting on something. I am pretty sure her top teeth are coming in now and I can only hope that they break through sooner than later. Teething is probably the worst thing I have had to deal with. I have actually heard that if we where to get our teeth in as adults, we wouldn't be able to handle the pain. I feel bad for Jayde, because I can't even begin to imagine what she is going through. The only thing I am able to do is try and help her by giving her teething tablets, frozen fruit, and being here to comfort her when she cries. Don't worry baby girl, there is always a rainbow after a storm!! Other than teething and getting into mischief, Jayde has been Jayde; my beautiful, happy, smiley girl.

It amazes me to think about how much Jayde trusts me. I could throw her into the air, and it would be no question to her that I would catch her. The thought of me possibly dropping her doesn't even cross her mind, not for one second. From day one I have always taken the best care of her. I have caught her just before she hit her head on a sharp corner and have dove to grab her just in time before she was about to put herself in danger. To her, I am super human. I can take care of her every need, no matter what it may be. Hell, she probably thinks that I can walk on water.  Having this innocent child see me as god-like somehow makes me feel like I have true purpose. At the same time, it is also scary. I am not always going to be there to catch her when she falls and not always going to be able to save her from danger. One day, she will find out that I'm not super woman and that there are a lot of people that aren't worth trusting in this world. Hopefully, even when she is older, she will know that I will always be here for her and that she can always trust me.


"So, when are you two getting married," has been the number one most popular question since Keith and I had told people that we were expecting. The answer: I DON'T KNOW. I don't say this because I don't see myself with him or because I don't love him. I say this because, well, don't you think we have enough on our plate right now? First off, Keith and I weren't dating for too long before I found out I was pregnant. I met Keith in July of 2009, we started dating in October of 2009, we became "official" in May of 2010, and then about two months after that I discovered was pregnant. I moved in with him in October of 2010, which was a huge transition for both of us. I had never lived with a boyfriend and Keith had been living happily by himself for many years. Then, three months after that, we welcomed our little princess into the world.  We are still transitioning into parenthood AND living together. I don't want the reason for me to marry someone to be because I had a child with them. I want the reason to be because I am completely in love with them. I know that in our society your suppose to me married BEFORE having kids, but for all of you who know Keith and me know that we are not your average couple. Maybe we are doing things backwards. Maybe we are living in "sin" in some people's eyes. But, I am completely happy right now. Honestly, I think having a baby together has been a true test for us as a couple. People are married for YEARS and get divorced after they have children because it is so hard on their relationship. I think that if Keith and I can get through this first year raising Jayde, that we can get through absolutely ANYTHING.

Keith and me on Thanksgiving.